#you are a genius and yes chris would comment this on every i just won a medal post viktor makes

[arom-antix]

I made meme because it's important

[melodramaticfanatic-blog]

Lucky in Love

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader

Warnings: It’s safe to assume that all my stories are going to have at least a little NSFW, 18+ and language. Just how I write.

Summary: Y/N became friends with Chris Evans shortly before Captain America fame made him a superstar. Now they’ve been through a lot together but Chris has always wanted more A/N: For @troublermalik. Chris Evans one shot with fluff and some NSFW/smut. This got long (WAY TOO LONG for a one shot probably) because I kept working on it and then putting it on hold and then today hormones made me their bitch so I went in on it HARD (while crying over the soundtrack from The Greatest Showman, naturally.) so sorry or whatever. Oh, and I hate this title!! I tried like 3 and didn’t like any of them

Word count: 8575 roughly.

Gif not mine, credit to owner

Y/N breaking her tooth was the best thing that had ever happened to Chris Evans. It may have been painful for her and required an emergency visit to a dentist, but if she hadn’t slipped while bowling and managed to fall at exactly the wrong angle, they may never have met. 

It had happened 2 years ago. Y/N had been on a blind date, a set up through one of her friends, and the man took her to a cosmic bowling alley. The lanes were dark, disco balls and black lights flashing against neon paint as classic rock pumped out of the speakers. Although the idea for the evening was great and Y/N wanted to enjoy herself, the man who was accompanying her was the worst kind of date. He was overly competitive about the score, utterly uninterested in talking to her (not that he could have even if he wanted to with the volume of the music), and far too interested in her various body parts. 

All in all, when the laces of the rental shoes untied (something Y/N didn’t notice due to the dim lighting) and caused her to stumble onto the slippery wax lanes where she promptly fell on her face, it wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened. At least that was her immediate thought before she realized that she had chipped her tooth and the broken shard had injured her lip leaving her with a bloody mouth and damaged smile. She had bid a quick farewell to her date, promising to reschedule without any intention of actually following through on it, and left the lanes while searching google for the closest dentist’s office. That dentist just happened to be Dr. Robert Evans, who’s son Chris was lucky enough to be in the office visiting when Y/N arrived as he had just gotten home from filming his upcoming Marvel debut, “Captain America: The First Avenger”. Despite her bloody mouth and eventual slurred speech due to novocain, Chris and Y/N had hit it off immediately. 

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“You have no idea who you’re messing with.” Y/N narrowed her eyes at Chris and tried her best to look intimidating despite the fact that the man was several inches taller than her with the physique of a superhero...literally. 

“Bring it on Y/N,” Chris taunted back. 

“I’m warning you...”

“If you’re so confident, why not make this interesting?” he retorted with his characteristic easy charm. Despite his light tone there was an undercurrent of competitiveness to his words. Chris played to win at everything in life.

Y/N sized the man up and arched an eyebrow. “Name your terms.”

“If your skills are what you say they are-”

“They are,” she interjected.

“Well then, I’ll owe you a six pack of beer to drink while I wash your car. If, by some freak accident, I prove to be more talented in this particular arena than you are though...” Chris smirked at her for a moment as he thought about what he’d claim as a prize. Then his entire face lit up with mischievous delight. “You’ll be accompanying me to the upcoming Avengers red carpet premier.”

Y/N pursed her lips as she thought about the stipulations. She felt very confident in herself but if something did go wrong...she didn’t like the idea of going to a premier. She had been photographed several times while hanging out with Chris and her picture had even gotten into the tabloids. It was not the most pleasant experience in the world. Many of his fans knew about her; she was his best friend after all so he had mentioned her in interviews a few times. Most fans were very nice in regard to her relationship with Chris, they knew she dated other men and knew that Chris dated other women so they did not see her as a threat. Every time her picture appeared in a tabloid next to the Captain however, a new outcry would rise from the internet and she would be hit with waves of negative comments and anonymous hatred from obsessed fan girls. Going to a premier where there would be rows upon rows of journalists and photographers seemed like pushing her luck. 

“Scared Y/N?” Chris had his most dangerous smirk firmly in place, one side of his mouth lifted and his brow quirked. It was obvious to Y/N that he was teetering on the edge of laughter, ready to break out any second in the full body shaking peals that were never far from the surface. 

“Of you?” She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin defiantly. “Never. I just feel bad that all the paparazzi are gonna be able to snap pictures of you washing my car. Maybe they’ll publish articles speculating about if you’re broke and working for me to make ends meet!”

His smirk just got wider. “Just remember, I like how you look in silver.”

“Thanks but I won’t need to know that. Now stand back in awe.”

Y/N pushed her hand against Chris’s chest lightly and the man took a step back chuckling, more likely to be kind than because the shove had any effect on him. She positioned her feet carefully, shoulder width apart and narrowed her eyes with focus. Her fingers tightened around the grip of the club in her hand and she drew her arms back slowly before swinging them out again in a gentle arc, knocking the bottom of the metal putter against the brightly colored ball on the ground. It connected with a pleasing knock and spun forward along the artificial grass.

“Go baby, go...” Y/N muttered under her breath as she tracked the ball’s progress. “Curve for me...!”

As though the ball could hear what she was asking of it, it swerved and began to ride along the ridge of a hill.

“Yes...yes...YES!” The ball found the perfect course trajectory and dropped into a small cup next to the large flag that marked the hole. “Hole in one! Fear my mini golf genius, Evans!”

Y/N jumped into the air and came down to rest on one knee, celebrating as if she were Tiger Woods and had just won the PGA cup. Chris couldn’t resist shaking with laughter at the display, his right hand coming up to grab his left pectoral as it always did when he laughed uncontrollably. 

“We’ve got a long course to play here, Y/N. Don’t get cocky on me now.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” Y/N retorted with a serious air before her face turned wicked. “Being cocky is your job.”

Chris shook his head and positioned himself at the line between artificial grass and sidewalk. All around him, children and families were delighting in the amusements of the mini golf course: chasing balls that had escaped into water hazards, taking pictures with the fake dinosaurs that lined the Jurassic themed diversion, laughing and lamenting their poor luck as they came out of a hole that was only par 2 with more than 5 strokes. 

He and Y/N often ended up in strange contests like this as they were both competitive and had a fondness for sports...or at least sport like activities. They had done everything from beach volleyball to ultimate frisbee, usually with a small wager attached to the win. Most nights, Chris wanted to win because he liked to win. Tonight however, he wanted to win so that he could have Y/N on his arm at the upcoming premier. He had just broken up again with his on-again / off-again girlfriend and knew that showing up at the premier alone would only result in him being bored out of his mind most of the night. Y/N would absolutely prevent that; she was always fun to be around. 

“You going to shoot your shot Evans or have I intimidated you into quitting already?”

“Oh please, my skills are hotter than the fire coming from that very fake volcano.”

Y/N cocked her hip out slightly and braced her hand against it, striking the international pose of female confidence as her face resolved into an expression of exasperated incredulity. Chris tried not to focus on her, tempting as it was to ignore the game and spend his time watching Y/N and laughing in the unrestrained way she always caused. Instead, he trained his eyes on the blue ball he had picked out (a choice that Y/N had made some very uncouth remarks over) and concentrated on hitting it with enough force to find the cup but not the excessive amount that would cause it to skip right over the hole. With an apparent lack of effort, Chris managed to sink his shot in one as well. 

“Oooooh,” he chuckled and shook his head. “What’s Danny gonna say when you tell him you can’t go out for date night because you’ll be on my arm?”

“I don’t think he’ll be too upset,” Y/N deadpanned back. “After all, I’m sure he’ll be out with his new girlfriend that night.”

“You guys broke up?”

“Yeah, earlier this week.” Y/N ran a hand through her hair, mussing it up prettily as she led the way to the next patch of green. “He was too needy, ya know? Everything was always about him. Like, I’d get home from working a 10 hour shift and he’d be there asking me why I hadn’t made him dinner.” She shook her head in a frustrated way. “Who looks at me and thinks Stepford Wife?”

It’s definitely not the first thought I have, Chris mused silently. My first thought has always been...no, never mind. Better not to acknowledge that thought. 

“Wow, bad time of year for romance all around, I guess.”

Y/N looked at him in confusion, one eyebrow arched delicately. 

“Jenny and I broke up again too,” he clarified. 

“Dude, you know I love Jenny,” Y/N began, her shoulders slumping as she looked at her friend, “but I seriously do not understand how you do it. I get whiplash just watching your relationship from the outside. How do you even keep track of if you’re together or not?”

“Maybe that’s been the problem all along, Y/N. I was thinking we were together when she was thinking we weren’t...we’re just on the wrong schedule! You’ve solved it, Dr. Phil!”

“Don’t you sass me, Evans,” she said as she reached out to smack his large bicep playfully. “I’m not afraid to call your mother.”

“Ok, ok, I’m just teasing. Nah, Jenny is great...and when it works, it’s great. But...” he trailed off with a shrug. 

“But how often does it work? Like a rough percentage?”

“Maybe...10% of the time?”

Y/N looked back at him with her eyebrows raised, her face expectant as he thought over what he had just said. 

“Yeah, I get you. If it’s only working 10% of the time, the other 90% sucks.” 

She nodded at him, a hint of sadness in her face. “You deserve better than 90% suckage Chris.”

Chris knew that Y/N was serious whenever she called him by his first name. Most of the time she referred to him simply as Evans or by some new mocking nickname she had crowned him with. Despite their teasing banter, the two were very close and cared for each other deeply. He knew that she wanted to see him happy just as much as he wanted that for her. 

“I’m tired of the whole relationship thing at the moment,” Y/N continued. “It never seems like the people involved are on the same page. It’s never just relaxed and easy. Like this! The way that we are together.” Y/N reached out and laid her hand against Chris’s chest, stopping their progress along the course so that she could look him in the eyes. “Everything is always good between us. We can talk about anything, we can always have fun, we’re tend to agree on the big stuff and be on the same wavelength...why can’t real relationships work like this?”

Chris gave an easy shrug and shook his head, watching as Y/N turned to move on to the next hole. Real relationships. We could have a real relationship, he thought, we could have a great relationship, even better than what you just described. If only you felt the same.

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“HA! Hahahahahahaha,” Chris had burst into the kind of laughter that doubled him over in exaltation. It ripped out of his belly and shook every muscle in his well toned body as he gripped his pectoral with one hand, his other hand holding Y/N’s shoulder as an anchor. 

“Not fair! If I hadn’t messed up the 12th hole so badly, I could have won!”

Chris could only shake his head as he laughed. He hadn’t just beaten Y/N, he had destroyed her. 

“Seriously, I think there was like, water on that hole or something. There is no WAY it should have taken me over 8 strokes to make a par 2 hole. STOP LAUGHING YOU BIG JERK!” She whined in a voice of fake outrage. 

“Oh, Y/N,” Chris sighed as he finally caught his breath. “You’re my favorite thing in the whole world.”

“Ha! I’ll believe I rank in the top 10, Evans, but I’m not claiming the top spot with your nieces and nephews around. Hell, I’m pretty sure even Dodger comes ahead of me on that list,” she scoffed. “Which is fair as he is such a great dog.”

He just smiled back at her indulgently, trying not to let on how wrong she was. “Whatever you say babe. Now, about what you’ll be wearing to the premier-”

“UUGGGHH!!”

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“UUUGGGHH!!! GRRRR!!! ARRRGGGH!!!”

“You can moan all you want, girlfriend. You made the bet, you have to deal with the consequences.” Y/N’s roommate, Angie, said in her thick New York City accent as she stood outside the bedroom. Years of being away from the city had done nothing to change how she spoke. 

Y/N felt like she had been groaning and moaning ever since she had lost to Chris that night at the golf course. She would never go back on her word so she had gone out and gotten a great gown, silver as requested, and prepared for tonight with a pedicure, manicure and professionally done make up and hair, but none of it had done much to calm her nerves. As happy and relaxed as she always was with her best friend, the spotlight was not her comfort zone. She didn’t want to think about how the next few hours would be spent in front of hundreds of people and in the company of movie stars. Sure, Chris was a movie star...but he was also just Chris. Silly, puppy-dog, can’t stop laughing, dork, sweetest human being alive Chris. Hanging out with him was like snuggling in a giant sweater. He was all fluff and comfort. Tonight was going to be a whole different ball game. 

“Seriously Ange...I’m not saying that I won’t go, but seriously...what am I doing?!”

“I can’t believe you’re whining about this, Y/N,” Angie replied with a roll of her eyes. “You’re going to the premier of a huge Hollywood movie where you’ll be next to some of the hottest men in the known universe. Oh yeah, and you’ll be there as the date of one of those absolute hotties. What is there to complain about?”

“Don’t call Chris a hottie...it’s weird.”

“He is a hottie. I can’t change the facts, girl. The fact that you are somehow magically blind to his intense good looks doesn’t mean I am.”

Y/N looked at her roommate and frowned. She wasn’t immune to Chris’s good looks; you’d have to be 10 kinds of stupid not to notice that the man was handsome. It was more that she chose not to think about him that way. Keeping him solidly locked in her mind under the label of “Friend” made everything much simpler. 

“If you’re going to stand there and mock me, the least you could do is tell me how I look?”

Y/N gave a small spin for her roommate. Her hair was pulled back into an elegant style that she would never be able to replicate again, which complemented her sleek gown nicely. The structured bodice hugged her beautifully and pushed her chest up to put a decent amount of cleavage on display. Its straps lay off the shoulders, a delicate drape of fabric brushing against her upper arm, and the fabric continued in long swaths down the back of the gown, creating a train-like effect. The skirt itself had a small train, really just a puddle of fabric attached to the slim tube that was fitted to her legs. The whole gown fit like a dream, she hadn’t even needed alterations, which was the main reason she had picked this one. 

“You look amazing. You’ll fit right in. In fact, I’ll be surprised if you don’t come home with a date...if you get your choice of the men, go for Tom Hiddleston. I’ve seen him dance; I think you could make good use of the way those hips move.”

“Angie!” Y/N cried out in shock just as there was a knock on the door. 

“What? I’m human, girlfriend.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Y/N responded, brushing by her roommate. “You’re something alright.”

Quickly checking her hair in a mirror and smoothing her hands over the front of the dress, Y/N opened up the door. Chris was standing in the hallway and before she could put up her guard against it, Y/N was struck with exactly how amazing he looked. His dark hair had been gelled lightly and slicked into a dapper style that fit his bone structure perfectly. His beard was trimmed and neat and before Y/N could reign the thought in, she found herself wondering if it would tickle to be kissed by him with that beard. Damn Angie, putting thoughts into her head just before Chris arrived. The best part though was his suit. It was a bright cobalt blue that accentuated his eyes until they became hypnotic. The bright white of his shirt made a gorgeous contrast to the bright blue fabric and the black that lined the lapel of the jacket. 

“Well damn,” Chris said with a frown as his shoulders dipped.

“What? What’s wrong?” Y/N looked down at herself nervously. “Is the dress not good? Do I look terrible?”

“Not at all. It’s just that..” he trailed off with a shake of his head and looked down while she waited anxiously. “Well, I tried so hard and thought I looked pretty good tonight but now it’s not going to matter at all because no one is going to be able to look away from how beautiful you are, babe!”

“Don’t do that, Evans!” Y/N reached out and punched his shoulder as he looked up at her from under his lashes with a wicked smile.

“Couldn’t help myself,” he said with a chuckle. “Seriously though, Y/N. You look more incredibly beautiful than any woman I’ve ever seen.”

“You can keep the compliments coming, I’m not forgiving you that quickly.”

“Since I have your permission, I think I’ll just keep complimenting you all night.”

“When are you just going to ask her out, Chris?” Angie called from inside the apartment. “I’m sick of you two doing this ‘We’re just really good friends and there’s no sexual tension between us’ thing.”

“Angie!” Y/N practically screamed. “I swear, if rent was not so obscenely ridiculous, I would kick you out and pretend we didn’t know each other.”

Chris laughed a bit awkwardly and cleared his throat.

“Alright, if you’re not going to jump on it, girlfriend, I’ll take this bullet. When are you going to ask me out?” Angie had come to the door and was looking at Chris with a cocky expression on her face.

“We’re leaving. Right now,” Y/N said, her tone dark. She gave Angie a small but forceful push back into the apartment, grabbed her clutch from the table near the door and proceeded to slam it behind her. “I cannot even. I don’t know what the hell has gotten into her tonight.”

“I hate to tell you but that was not a tonight only situation,” Chris said as he easily looped an arm around Y/N’s waist. “Your roommate has been flirting with me like that since the first time I met her.”

“And you never mentioned it?” Y/N looked up at Chris in confusion but he just gave a relaxed shrug. 

“She doesn’t actually mean anything by it. Trust me, if I took her up on it and asked her out, she would freeze up and then refuse.”

“And you know this because...?”

“Just one of those things.”

Y/N continued to look up at Chris, her brow furrowing and a small frown creasing her face. She didn’t like the sound of that. Had Chris asked Angie out? Had they actually gone out? As they walked out to the waiting town car, Y/N pondered the possibilities silently and tried to decide why the idea of her friend and her roommate having secrets or a relationship bothered her so much.

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Flashbulbs were everywhere. It was beyond blinding and if Chris hadn’t kept a steady hold on Y/N, she probably would have bumped into someone and fallen down. 

“They’ll calm down in a bit,” he whisper-shouted into her ear. “The only reason they’re taking so many pictures is cause we just got here. A little down the line, you’ll have no trouble seeing.”

“How can you see?!” she asked in a terrified voice.

“I’m just used to it.”

“I don’t understand how anyone could ever get used to this...” Y/N muttered.

Chris took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. He knew this wasn’t where she felt the most comfortable but he also wanted Y/N to enjoy herself. Premiers weren’t always great but if you let them, they could be a lot of fun. 

“Mr. Evans, we need you for a quick chat over here,” an assistant came bustling up to direct him to an interview. 

“Do you want to come with or hang back?”

Y/N looked at him with wide and wild eyes. “Hang back, definitely hang back.”

He laughed and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek for courage. “Stay right here, babe. I’ll be back before you know it.” He pressed down lightly on her shoulders as though he were sticking her in place and moved off to the microphone the assistant had pointed out. 

Y/N took a couple of deep breaths and tried to calm herself. Chris had been right about the flashes calming down and now that some time had passed she was able to see a little better. In front of her were lines and lines of journalists and photographers, all calling out names and questions, but behind her there were bleachers full of fans. Many of them had signs and posters; some looked as though they had been camped out all day. Y/N turned slightly so that she could read some of the signs. 

“Hey, hey, Y/N!” someone called out to her. 

She looked around and spotted a fan at the barrier waving to her. “Umm...hi?”

“HI!! Sorry, this is probably totally creepy,” the girl said with a big smile. “I just feel like I know you from all the times Chris has talked about you.”

Y/N went a little closer to the girl. She was young and had obviously been waiting for a long time. Clutched in her arms was a canvas with all of the Avengers lovingly represented on it. One or two of the characters now bore a signature from the actor who played to role. 

“That’s really cool,” Y/N said pointing to it. “Did you make that?”

“Yeah!” Her face lit up as she held the canvas out for Y/N to inspect. “I want to be an artist when I grow up.”

“Do you mind?” Y/N reached out hesitantly and the girl placed it in her hands. It was incredible, each detail captured, every character given so much emotion. “You’re really talented.”

“Thanks! I was hoping to get everyone to sign it but...I couldn’t get a couple people’s attention. Do you think you could ask Mr. Evans if he’d sign it though?”

Y/N looked up at the girl and smiled. “Hold on to this,” she said, handing the canvas back. “I’ll make sure he comes over...or I’ll kick some Captain butt.” With a quick wink and smile, Y/N turned back to the front of the carpet and moved back to the space where Chris had left her. As if on cue, he finished his interview and returned to her. 

“Ready to keep going?”

“Not quite. I need two favors from you actually.”

Chris stared at Y/N, his eyebrows slightly raised. He could tell by her low and serious voice that she was being sincere. “What’s up?”

“Do you know who’s already inside?”

“Uh, yeah. I know that RDJ, Hemsworth, Mackie, Scarlett, Paul and Tom Holland have made it down the carpet...why?”

“Alright, she caught Rudd and Tom Holland. Do you have their phone numbers? RDJ, Hemsworth, Mackie and Scarlett, I mean?”

“Yeah...again, why?” Chris was beginning to look at Y/N like she had lost her mind. 

“’k, so favor number one: can you send a group text to those guys and the rest of the cast and ask them to make sure they sign this girl’s artwork?” Y/N jerked her head slightly to indicate where the fan stood. “She’s been here for a long time waiting and she made this incredible work of art to honor you all. It’d really mean a lot if everyone did this. If they could just come back out really quick?”

Chris was beaming at Y/N now, his phone already in his hand. He had been worried that she hated every bit of what was happening and it warmed his heart to see her caring so much about his fans.

“Done. Is favor number two that I go over and sign it right now?”

“Well...yeah.” Y/N gave an embarrassed shrug. “Sorry to be predictable.”

Chris wrapped his arm around her waist again, guiding her back towards the fan. “Trust me, babe. This is not an ‘’I’m sorry’ situation.”

Y/N smiled up at him brilliantly before grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the young girl. “Look who’s here! And I didn’t even need to kick his butt. I just told him someone had a picture of his face and he couldn’t be stopped,” she said teasingly, looking between Chris and his fan. 

“It’s true,” Chris said with his trademark charming smirk. “I can’t resist beautiful things.”

Y/N laughed at him and shook her head, stepping back slightly so that his fans could have access to him. Watching him talk to everyone, sign posters and pose for pictures, she was reminded how lucky she was to have him in her life. His presence was something she had almost grown too accustomed to...almost taken for granted. 

“Hey Y/N,” said a low voice just behind her.

She turned to look over her shoulder and spotted Sebastian Stan standing at her side. She had met him several times before through Chris and had forgotten that as another Marvel actor he would be attending tonight. 

“Hey Seb, it slipped my mind that I’d be seeing you.” 

The man reached out and draped an easy arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side. “Ouch, didn’t realize I was so forgettable,” he said with a chuckle. 

“Don’t be stupid,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“He can’t help it, stupid is his default setting,” Anthony Mackie teased as he walked by on his way to sign the canvas.

Both Seb and Y/N laughed at the man, Seb miming a kick in his direction.

“So, did Chris bring you tonight?”

“Yup...I lost a bet.” Y/N hung her head in a comical display of shame. 

“Well you may have lost but I think we all won.”

She looked up at him with her head cocked to the side. 

“You look gorgeous, Doll.”

“Oh,” Y/N blushed furiously, both at the nickname and the words preceding it. “Thanks...?”

Sebastian laughed at the way her word went up at the end, turning it into a question. 

“Hey Seabass!” Mackie called out. “Get over here and look at this. The girl managed to capture my magnificent thighs!”

With a smirk and a quick squeeze, Sebastian released his hold on Y/N’s shoulder. “Gotta go, Doll. Duty calls.” He shot her a wink and walked off to the line of fans, clapping Chris on the shoulder as they passed each other. 

“Alright, I’m thirsty,” Chris said as he reached her. “Ready to go inside?”

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“You didn’t tell me to make sure I had waterproof mascara on, you big jerk!” Y/N punched Chris’s shoulder again lightly, blinking her eyes rapidly and rubbing her hand along her cheek. The movie was fantastic, full of action and great one-liners like all Marvel movies, but it also had heart wrenching, terrible moments that had brought Y/N to the edge of sobbing. 

“I didn’t want to spoil anything,” he replied chuckling. “Besides, you look amazing.”

“I look puffy and red...and if I get a hold on Tom Holland tonight, I’m going to tear him apart for breaking me down like that!”

Chris was laughing in earnest now, his whole body rumbling. “That just means I have to spend the after party making sure you don’t get near him.”

“Good, you do that. Keep me at your side all night or I’m likely to hit one of your friends and cast mates for making me cry.”

“Alright, tough guy. Let’s go get a drink and enjoy the party, huh?”

“I can’t go in there yet!” Y/N looked at Chris in horror. “I have to go to the bathroom and take care of the trash panda mess that is my face! Get it together, Evans!”

She left him chuckling fondly as she strode off to check her makeup and gather herself. Hardly a minute had passed before Chris was joined by Sebastian, the man holding out a beer which Chris gladly accepted. 

“Where’s Y/N?” Seb asked casually. 

“Went to clean herself up. She got a little teary eyed during the screening.”

Sebastian nodded and took a long pull from his beer. “Listen man,” he started hesitantly. “Are you two...I mean, do you...”

Chris stared at his friend with his brow furrowed. 

“She still dating that guy? Davey, Dippy, Dopey...whatever his name was?”

“Nah, they broke up.”

Sebastian nodded thoughtfully. “And what about you?”

“I broke up with Jenny again, I told you that.”

“No, I mean, with her. Are you...would you be pissed if I asked Y/N out?”

Chris just stared at the other man. Sebastian wanted to ask Y/N out? His Y/N?? But she’s not mine, he reminded himself. She never has been. And she’s dated plenty of other men since I met her. What right do I have to tell Sebastian no?

“Uh- I mean, go for it.”

“Do you mean that?” Seb asked, studying Chris’s face.

“Yeah, sure. She did just tell me that she was kinda over the whole relationship thing right now though, so she might not be the most receptive...you might get a better response if you wait,” he added the last bit casually, tacking on a shrug and wondering if he was overacting the casual vibe he was aiming for. 

“I’ll take it into consideration,” Sebastian said thoughtfully. “See how the night goes and play it by ear.”

Chris just nodded numbly.

“Alright,” Y/N called as she approached the two men, “I’m decent enough to hang out with the world’s mightiest heroes again.”

“Would you settle for hanging out with the guy that plays a semi-stable 100 year old man?” Seb asked with a charming smile, stepping out to reach Y/N before she got to Chris. 

“Uh-” she said, glancing between the two men.

“Just don’t let her near Tom Holland,” Chris said, clapping Seb on the shoulder and moving away with a huge fake smile plastered on his face. “She’ll kick his ass and then we’ll all be in trouble.”

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

“Mr. Evans, I know it’s a party, but please don’t forget you still have a late night interview after this...it might be wise to slow down on the drinks?”

The small assistant was hovering near Chris’s elbow, his expression anxious as he watched Chris sip yet another scotch on the rocks.

Chris didn’t normally drink, but tonight was not a normal night. “Keep me at your side all night”, that was what Y/N had requested. That was what Chris had wanted. Instead, she had spent the evening on Sebastian’s arm, at Sebastian’s side, laughing at Sebastian’s jokes, dancing with Sebastian. He slammed down the rest of his drink, wincing as it burned his throat, and knocked the glass onto the bar. 

Most of the time, Chris was extremely easy going. He was good natured. He liked almost everyone. Jealousy was not something he felt often but at the moment it was twisting in his stomach like an anaconda around its prey. His center was nothing more than a tight fist of rage. This wasn’t him being competitive, this was a base instinct. Fight or flight. Protect what was his. And maybe it was just the alcohol or maybe it was seeing her with someone that seemed to pose a real threat to him, but at that moment, Chris decided that Y/N was his. She would be his.

“Mr. Evans? It’s about that time to head to the show?”

“Thank you, Harold,” Chris replied to the assistant with a smile, his face easing out of the angry mask it had become over the last few hours. “I just have to go and get something.” With that, he stood up and made his way over to where Seb and Y/N stood, the man’s arm laid casually around her shoulders. “Sorry to interrupt but I actually have to steal you away, babe.”

“Oh?” Y/N sounded surprised but not necessarily disappointed. 

“Yeah, gotta go to that chat show remember? Interview with James Corden for TV? You said you’d come hang out?”

“You can stay here if you’d rather,” Sebastian offered quickly. “I can always give you a ride.”

“Thanks Seb, but I’ll go with. I wouldn’t mind just chilling backstage. Besides, I really like James Corden. He always makes me laugh with his crosswalk musical things!”

Sebastian looked slightly disappointed but didn’t argue, choosing instead to simply give Y/N and Chris both hugs and send them on their way with a promise to call her and arrange lunch. 

“You guys are having lunch?” Chris asked as they left the building and walked towards the town car that was waiting outside for them.

“He offered to take me to a ball game and then buy me food,” she responded with a shrug. “I tried to make it clear that it wasn’t gonna be a date.”

“Oh?” he asked as his heart lifted. “Seb’s not your type?”

“I can’t imagine dating a celebrity,” Y/N replied, her tone laced with disgust. “Besides, I told you, I’m over the whole relationship thing right now.”

“Right...” Chris felt his heart sinking back down in his chest again. This was the first time since he had met Y/N that they were both single at the same time and he was free to try and start a romantic relationship with her. Of course she would be sworn off romance. Will I ever catch a break? he wondered as the car pulled out and began the short drive to James Corden’s studio.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Y/N sat backstage and watched the monitors of what was happening just around the corner. James Corden had brought Chris out to wild applause from the audience and asked him a few introductory questions about the movie. Chris gave all the right answers, promoting the movie well and exercising his not unformidable charm. 

“And there are deaths in the movie?” James tried to wheedle out spoilers. “Does everyone make it through?”

“Hey, I’d love to tell you, but I’m pretty sure Marvel has snipers in the audience that would take me out before I got a word out,” Chris joked jovially. 

“Well, at least tell me if I should go to the theater prepared with kleenex! That’s just good manners.”

“I’ll say this,” Chris hedged with a small smile, “I have it on good authority that waterproof mascara is recommended.” 

“Oh, well I always make sure to wear waterproof,” James retorted with a flutter of his eyelashes to the audience’s delight. “But who is this good authority? I heard a rumor you were recently single again; was I misinformed?”

“No, that’s true, I did break up with someone not too long ago.”

“Someone new in your life already?”

“No,” Chris said with a warm smile, his eyes flicking down briefly as the smile grew wider. “No, not new. Someone who’s been in my life for a while but I never fully appreciated.”

“Oh?” James tried not to interrupt or even make himself very noticeable. If Chris  kept talking, he may get a huge scoop. 

“That’s not the right way to say it actually. I always appreciated this person. I’ve appreciated her since the day we met...but I always thought that we couldn’t be any more than we were.” 

Backstage, Y/N sat frozen. Was Chris talking about her? She had told him off about the waterproof mascara...but the rest...?

“You’re married right?” Chris looked up suddenly at James who nodded. “Is your wife the greatest person in the world? The one that you want to tell all your stories to? The one that you can talk about anything with and always have fun with? The person who always seems to be on your wavelength?”

James was nodding frantically in agreement. 

“But more than that, right? Like, she also expands the things you know, gives you new experiences, takes you new places. She makes you better than you are. She’s the person that you see first in any room. You could walk into a full three ring circus and your eyes would still find her first. It doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, she’s still the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen. She’s my best friend and so much more than just that; so much more than I can put into words. That’s how it is with her; that’s how I feel about Y/N.”

All the air in the room, all the air in the world, seemed to have disappeared. There was no sound. Not a rustle of fabric or a whine of an electronic device. Y/N’s lungs seemed to be clenched too tightly to draw breath. Chris was in love with her. That was what he had just said, wasn’t it? He hadn’t used those words but what else could he have meant?

“Thank you for sharing that with us, Chris. And congratulations to you and Y/N. On that rather beautiful note,” James turned to the cameras with a smile, “We’ll take a break and be right back!”

The audience clapped and a crew member counted them out, letting James and Chris know when it was safe to relax. The moment the cameras were no longer filming, Chris leapt from his seat, shook James’s hand and practically galloped backstage. He was worried that Y/N might have fled but she still sat, frozen, in the chair she had taken before he made his confession. 

“Y/N?”

She turned her head to look up at him, her eyes wide and dazed. “That was...”

“The truth?” Chris finished for her.

“Was it?” She asked, her gaze becoming more focused on him. “Is that how you feel?”

He nodded. “That and more. I should have told you before, I should have just listened to Angie and asked you out but I...I don’t know. We were such good friends. And you were always dating other guys. And you hate the celebrity thing, you always said you’d never date anyone famous and you hate it when your picture shows up places, and I knew if we were together your picture would be taken.” Chris knew he was rambling but couldn’t seem to stop. “I always thought you just hated my career too much and that you weren’t interested but tonight...you were so great tonight. You took such good care of those fans and you even had fun but then Seb came around and he was flirting with you and you were laughing and touching his arm and I was this close,” he held up his fingers with a small space between them, “to tearing his arm off and beating him with it. Make him even more realistic as Bucky. So I just had to tell you, I had to-”

Y/N flung herself out of the chair and into his arms, her lips colliding against his with all the force of years of repressed passion. Chris responded equally as enthusiastically, wrapping his large arms around her and lifting her off the ground as he pressed their bodies together. Her lips were lush and tasted slightly of vanilla and cinnamon; Chris wondered if she always tasted this sweet and then if she would taste this sweet everywhere else. His hand went to the back of her neck as her fingers tangled into his hair, causing the gelled locks to splay and stick out in ridiculous, messy patterns. She tugged on his tresses lightly, garnering a moan from him, which allowed her to briefly slip her tongue into his mouth. 

Chris held Y/N even closer, his tongue chasing after hers and caressing its way into her mouth. He ran it along her lips, against her teeth, finally reaching out to brush against her own tongue, licking and exploring her as deeply as possible. 

“Chris,” she breathed out raggedly, breaking the kiss to speak. “Dressing room. Now.”

He didn’t hesitate for a moment. She had already been in his arms so it was easy to reach a hand down to the back of her thigh and pull her legs around his waist. Walking quickly, he carried her down the hallway, ignoring the looks of several crew members. He had been waiting years for this moment, god help anyone who tried to interfere or judge.

While they walked, Y/N kissed along his neck, her light nibbling causing his knees to tremble dangerously. 

“It does tickle,” Y/N giggled slightly. 

“What’s that, babe?”

“I was wondering earlier if your beard would tickle me if you kissed me.” She nuzzled against him and giggled again. “It does.”

“Just wait...soon it’s going to be tickling the inside of your thighs,” Chris retorted, his tone darkened with lust. 

Y/N sucked in a deep breath and bit her bottom lip. “I’ll hold you to that, Evans.”

They reached the dressing room and Chris shoved the door open, striding inside and dumping Y/N onto the plush couch. “Don’t move,” he warned before turning to quickly close and lock the door. She wouldn’t have had time to move had she wanted to; Chris moved rapidly and within seconds was over her again, his body a pleasant weight pressing against her, pushing her down into the soft couch.

“I love this dress,” Chris muttered against her lips. “You look so amazing in silver.” He stopped to kiss her again as his hands traveled along her body. “But it’s covering too much of you...”

Chris sat up and grinned wolfishly at her before moving his hands down to her ankles. He went slowly, his touch brushing the fabric upwards as his fingers traced along her skin against her ankles, her calfs...up to the outside of her thighs. As his hands reached her hips, he looked away from their progress to stare at her eyes again. 

“Lift your hips for me, babe.”

She did as he asked and he continued to slip the fabric off her, his palms stroking over her belly, brushing along her breasts and finally coming up to pull the gown over her head. He cast it to the floor of the dressing room and simply stared down at her for a moment, sprawled on the couch in just bra and panties, looking up at him with her eyes full of hunger and lust. 

“Damn, Y/N. You are even more amazing than I imagined...and trust me, I imagined a lot.”

He grinned at her wickedly again as she bit her lip and then trailed his fingers down her neck causing her to shiver. He continued his descent, his hand stopping only briefly to squeeze her breast through her thin bra before moving down again to find the edge of her underwear. 

Never taking his eyes from hers, Chris slipped his fingers into the edges of her panties and drew them down, pulling them away from her and dropping them on top of her discarded dress. Y/N seemed shy, closing her legs and blushing, but Chris coaxed them open, kissing her knee and trailing his hand along her inner thigh. 

“You’re beautiful, babe.”

“Chris, I-” Y/N started but broke off in a ragged gasp as his fingers brushed over her slit. 

“You what?”

“I,” she panted. “I-”

“Is there something you want to tell me, babe?” His tone was teasing as he smirked down at her. He continued to run his thumb up her slit, pressing it against the small bundle of nerves each time. 

“Mmmm...” She moaned and arched her back. “More...please...”

Chris stoked her again, this time pressing circles against her clit when he reached it. “I don’t think that’s what you wanted to tell me, Y/N.” He moved her legs gently so that he was sitting between them, her slick sex fully exposed to him. “What did you want to tell me, babe?” Instead of stroking, this time when he touched her, Chris pressed his long middle finger inside her, groaning at how she squeezed around it.

Y/N was panting and moaning, her hips moving on instinct against Chris’s hand, chasing pleasure, while her own hands squeezed and tweaked her breasts. 

“I love you, Chris,” she said on a breathy exhale. “I love you!”

“I love you too, babe,” Chris said triumphantly. He pulled his finger out of Y/N earning a moan of disappointment that rapidly became a groan of pleasure when his mouth took the place of his hand. 

Chris licked a stripe along Y/N’s wet pussy, savoring the taste of her, every bit as sweet as her lips. Just as he had promised, his beard tickled the inside of her thighs as he went to work, exploring every part of her with his tongue. Every few strokes and licks he would work his way back to her clit, giving it a firm flick with his tongue before sucking it gently. In a matter of minutes, Y/N was coming undone, chanting his name while he sucked on her and shaking as the waves of her orgasm washed through her. She was so overwhelmed by the pleasure, she didn’t even notice as Chris stood and began to undress. It wasn’t until his body weight was above her, pressing her pleasantly into the couch again, that she opened her eyes.

“Hey babe,” Chris whispered, kissing her lightly. His face hovered over hers, bright blue eyes shining down at her with a mixture of lust and love, his hair still standing on end from where she had run her fingers through it. 

Y/N moved her hands to his shoulders, squeezing the large muscles and sliding along the soft skin. He was the most beautiful man she had ever met and he loved her.

“I need you inside me,” she whispered to him. 

Chris wasted no time in complying. The tip of his hardened length had already been aligned with her, brushing against her entrance teasingly. At her word, Chris pressed his hips forward, both of them groaning as he slipped into her. 

“Damn, babe,” he moaned against her neck, his head falling against her, “You’re so tight.”

Y/N couldn’t think straight enough to protest that it wasn’t her tightness but rather his impressive size. Chris was thick and long; he was barely inside her and already filling and stretching her in that perfect blend of pleasure and pain. He moved slowly, pressing into her with gentle determination until he was fully sheathed in her. For a moment they simply stayed that way, as closely connected as possible, but before long, Y/N was aching for him to move, craving the friction and pleasure to come. 

“Please, Chris,” she begged him. “Please fuck me.”

Chris chuckled and kissed along her neck, slowly drawing his hips back and starting a steady rhythm, rocking against her. 

“More,” she moaned as her fingernails dug into his back.

He snapped his hips forward forcefully and she cried out, her back arching as her face screwed up in pleasure. Chris kissed along her jawline and continued, his strokes becoming faster and harder now that she was accustomed to the feel of him. 

“I’m close, I’m so close,” Y/N moaned as he continuously hit the sweet spot deep within her.

“Me too, babe,” Chris said through gritted teeth, his thrusts becoming sloppy. “Let go, Y/N...just enjoy it.”

With one last moan of his name, she came undone again, her nails digging into his back as her body tensed and relaxed, her muscles clenching tightly around Chris and bringing him over the edge as well. He found her lips again, kissing her and moaning her name as he continued to thrust, coaxing them both through the waves of pleasure as they came down. 

For another minute, they simply lay on the couch, twisted in each other’s arms, enjoying the feelings they had been denying themselves for years. Then Chris drew back to stare down at Y/N; her hair was a mess from rubbing against the couch, her cheeks flushed and lipstick smeared. Her eyes were still glazed with recent pleasure and her chest heaved unevenly. 

“You’re just as beautiful as the first time I saw you,” Chris said lovingly, leaning down to kiss her chastely. 

“The first time you saw me I had a hole in my lip and a mouthful of blood,” Y/N scoffed at him.

“Yeah, you did. And you were still the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen.”

“Such a liar, Evans.”

“Not to you, babe. Not about this.” He shook his head seriously. “I was crazy about you from the first moment I set eyes on you.”

Y/N blushed and looked away from him biting her lip. “Hey...what’s our percentage?”

“What?”

“You know how things were only good with Jenny like 10% of the time? What would you say our percentage is?”

Chris looked down at her and laughed, enjoying the unrestrained laughter that she always brought out in him. “About...99.9%.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment before breaking out into a huge smile. “I’ll take that answer.” 

“What percentage would you have said?” Chris asked quizzically. 

“Nope, not telling,” Y/N said with a smile as her phone started to buzz. 

“Oh, come on, babe, that’s not fair!”

“You should have asked me before you told me what your percentage was if you wanted to know! Now I have no incentive to tell you,” she teased while grabbing her phone. 

“Oh, I can give you an incentive,” Chris growled playfully. “Come ‘ere!”

He grabbed her and pulled her laughing back to the sofa, kissing her wildly and tickling his fingers along her body. Y/N’s phone lay forgotten on the table, the screen open to a text from Angie that read simply: “Saw Corden. About damn time!”

[migleefulmoments]

They portray Darren as the victim because if they didn’t they’d have to admit that if Darren had signed any contract which said he would pretend to be straight forever, it would entirely be his own fault for doing so and that the choice he made was that money and fame was worth more than being true to himself. This is why the tinhatters also seem to have split off into two groups. There’s the ones like ajw who see Darren as a victim and the twitter tinhats who hate him and call him a “liar”

I had no idea there was a tinhat Twitter fandom that believes Darren is a liar. That explains so much. Every time they rant like this (from yesterday): 

I think I’ve seen it all now. Now he’s an immature asshole with no career progression because he wore an ugly Christmas sweater and a hat for the caroling show tonight.

If you can’t stop criticizing him for every mother fucking thing he does, stop paying attention to him. But when you say ridiculous bullshit like he hasn’t progressed in his career, you make yourself look like an absolute fucking moron.

Nope hasn’t progressed, he only just won an emmy, is going to do another show with RM (like it or not his shows are critically acclaimed), and is filming a $100 million dollar movie.

No career progression at all. Damn that ugly christmas sweater holding him back. 

I wonder what is happening? WHO are they speaking to? I will admit, I’m a lazy Darren fan and therefore I have never come across this breed of tinhatter you speak of. I get most of my Darren gossip from a few blogs who just report the news so I haven’t wondered across their path. I guess I just  don’t feel the responsibility to “do my homework” and “watch the accounts of every major player” so I can “say if something is true or state something is a lie if I don’t have all of the relevant facts”. (yep, the quotes are real).

Back to your comment- yes they have to portray him as a victim because he absolutely would be a liar otherwise. For 8 years he has said he is straight and spoke at length about playing gay while straight and representation. He has said he loves Mia for many years and posted his engagement. He has LIVED the life he talks about in interviews. Literally every photo we see and story about him we hear has backed up his truth as he says it. The “victim Darren” they have created by necessity is a spineless ass who just keeps signing contracts that literally do great harm to him professionally and personally. He surrounds himself with users who all have the same MO- what a dunce. Their version of Darren only has authentic relationships with 3 people- his mom, his dad, and Chris. CC Darren hasn’t given a genuine, honest interview in 8 years and he is told what to do and say by his stupid-yet-evil-genius team including being forced into a fake engaged with a woman he hates AND he keeps talking about wedding planning. What a complete wuss. That isn’t a Darren that deserves anyone’s attention....that Darren is a hot mess.   

The CCers have created their victim Darren partially out of necessity but they also like the idea that they are doing important work-  from the post quoted directly above “ I go on my blog and daily hold myself out to fully believe in CC and to say M/iarren is a fraud (as well as Ch/ill but there just isn’t nearly as much to speak about). I also speak about the injustices that have been aimed at D&C and the specific people who have directly harmed them”. This work makes them feel important to Darren. There is also some level of “rescue complex” going on with them as well.  They are going to save him, they are going to support him after he comes out because they don’t care who he sleeps with,  they are THE BEST fans.They believe they are collecting data about this horrible contract and the closeting and will release it to the world, bringing down Ryan Murphy and all the powerful homophobes in Hollywood because they have never signed an NDA!

[13thfloornz]

Hans Zimmer is not what I expected.  I thought he’d be a controlled man, perhaps dour, even distant producer/ businessman/ and money-making-possibly-soulless-gouged-by-years-at-the-top-in-Hollywood machine! He’s anything BUT that. .

“I’ve basically lived in the studio for the last 30 years” he warmly intones after his third piece, the title music of the movie Gladiator.  “This whole thing is just about playing music to you. I just wanted to hang out with people I’ve been playing with all my life…some of the greatest musicians in the world and some of the greatest friends a man could ever have”.

I’m already beguiled by the simmering Zimmer charm. It’s disarming to hear a powerful, successful, musical heavyweight, and one of the most prolific composers of the late twentieth and early twenty-first century,  so humble and real. If Kanye West is at one end of the ego spectrum of what success looks like, Hans is at the opposite- and far more endearing – end of that spectrum.

“ So let’s pretend” he continues in a nod to the substantial Auckland audience in a three-quarters full Spark ( yes, new name ) Arena, “ let’s pretend this is a dinner party and we are just having a bit of a chat”. It’s partly true. His chat is wonderful. But you have to like your dinner parties with music so loud that you can digest a vortex of spinning whirling thundering pulsating and, at times, overwhelming volume! Hans’ dinner party music makes heavy metal look like disco. At times I wondered if Hans is secretly a frustrated heavy metaller who somehow effortlessly fell in to his role as Hollywood’s heavyweight for musical scores.

His chat to us about Hollywood is light and ego-free. He mentions names with ease and grace- and zero sense of any big-noting. They are all- including the best of Hollywood’s directors such as his “friend Chris” ( the uniquely talented Christopher Nolan)  just people. Like him. Like his band . Like us. Just people with whom he enjoys making links. Before Angels and Demons,  as he causally tells us, “ I was in Paris at the Louvre with Ron Howard looking to shoot the Da Vinci Code. I love the way the Louvre’s classicism and the modern, in the glass pyramid created by I. M. Pei,  complement each other”. He says it as I might mention to someone that I wandered down to the local dairy.  Who gets to wander the Louvre after hours?  Dinner party chat. Casual. Informative. Warm and endearing.

And honest too. “ Now the classicist is going to play the violin while the rest of us make a lot of noise in the background. Wish us luck. We might get through this.”

And it is. At some points at least. A LOT of noise.

The audience loves the movie stories.  I wish he had given us more before each piece. An interesting angle on the workings of Hollywood through the frame of the composer whose music is so seminal to a movie’s success. “ I got a phone call at 9 am from Ridley Scott ( Gladiator director) . I am never awake at 9 am. But I took Ridley’s call. “What’s the movie about?”  I asked. “ Men in skirts” he said. But the more he told me, the more I could SEE his vision”.  He continues the story with a charming nod to his wife, one of whose comments  helped him and Ridley realise the movie was just too much about “ you boys”. They then added The Female influence. So here’s a man admitting to picking up the nuance from his wife’s words. And listening to her.  Can Zimmer get any better?!

A special nod, from the Gladiator theme, to the stunning operatic and longing-laden vocals of Australia’s Lisa Gerrard, who floated on stage in a halo of golden attire. Back in 2000, she won a Golden Globe for her title-song rendition. And Auckland was lucky to have her perform it again live.

The highlight for me in the first half, musically , was the theme music for Sherlock Holmes, which has the same charm as the quizzical lead in that film, Robert Downey Junior. With its banjo and accordion backdrop, the music evokes the humour and light touches of that much-loved film.

The Lion King opener also had the audience roaring approval, with the serengeti- call of Lebo M from Soweto. As he sings, he moves in a stealth- cat-like low dance of the African plains,  the genesis of all hip- hop moves. Wonderful to watch. There is a delightful brotherhood between him and Hans after the song: “ From Soweto to Auckland” announces Hans as he wraps his arm around his soloist’s shoulders. “ When I first met this man he was a political refugee in LA working in a car wash- and not doing a very good job! …..  The Lion King changed a lot of things…It’s currently playing in theatres round the world, but tonight YOU get the real thing.” And then he acknowledged Refi,  the other vocalist , who is Lebo M’s daughter.

Hans likes to acknowledge those who work with and for him. He mentions all of the musicians in his band throughout the show – from Nile Marr- son of the Smiths’ Johnny Marr and a prodigiously strong guitarist in his own right with a  powerful inner energy on stage- to Gary Kettel ( “Way- hey” is their code) on percussion whom he credits with helping him in his early nervous days in film scoring, to his drummer – “ My Brother” – Satnam Singh Ramgotra, to Tina Guo on cello whose 8 hours a day of practice from 3 years old has clearly paid dividends for her, and Guthrie Govan whose electric guitar solo in the second piece of the second half – Rain Man – was mesmerisingly beautiful. Perhaps his most heartfelt thanks go to his Musical Director and keyboard and accordion player Nick Glennie- Smith who hovers ever near Hans and with whom it’s clear he shares a deep and abiding lifelong friendship.

At the centre of this band and at the heart of the swirling waves of notes and tones and beats and rhythm and – above all, for much of the concert- volume, is Hans Zimmer himself . He is at the core of every whirlwind he creates, with head bobbing, smile playing at the corner of his lips, neck leaning to and fro, and feeling,  and present to, each note as if it were the first time he was meeting the music. As if every note matters to him, each time he plays. There is a quote from him in the programme notes “ If I play you a piece of music, that’s when you can truly look inside me”. Indeed. This is man of Big Passion and Total Commitment.

This largely works for him. Sometimes not. Some of the pieces felt so overdressed that I wanted to strip them back to the musical truth which bled through Hans in to the score. I felt that with Pirates of the Caribbean. Like a women with every piece of jewellery on-  and then some extra frills and bows. Overkill. Just too much. A chaotic wall of sound and flickering lights. A total sensory overload. Pounding inside the chest cavity of possibly every audience member. This might work once or twice over two hours but after a whole night of it, the senses get dulled, drunk on overload, with the neurology of the brain numbed in to staggering stillness by the sheer wall of vibration and layer upon layer of sound in each of the frequency levels.

Given the power of his elemental themes, and the beauty of his piano riffs, I wonder why Hans has felt the need to overdress his music in live concerts? Why so ear-shatteringly loud? Why even any need for flashing lights, another way to exhaust the neurology? Why not let the beauty of his musical writing sing the loudest in these live shows? And his personable nature ? And his engrossing stories?

The nadir of this overblown tendency came with the music from The Dark Knight. Why have subtlety when you can double-down on sound? Huge sound. Huge visuals. Flashes and lightning strikes. Everything thrown at the audience. That brooding,  menacing bass .Threatening. Throbbing drums. Thumping. No reprieve. Getting louder still. I felt my mind receding in to an aching stillness away from the cacophony of sound. I focus in on Hans, who strikes me now as a mad genius in a huge laboratory of sound waves pushed to their outermost limit.

After the fury and foreboding of this piece, Hans told a deeply moving story of hearing of the death of the movie’s star, while they were in post-production: “ Let’s go a little darker now” he signals. “ When we did Batman Begins, we didn’t know we would do three movies and 12 years of our lives” And then he talks of Heath in that  final instalment “ Daring, fearless acting…Just before we finished, we got the shocking phone call that Heath , our beautiful Heath, had died” .

And then, the show’s highlight for me- or one of them, along with Inception. The backdrop shows building outlines against a star-covered sky as the organ music of the opener signals the other-worldly beauty of Interstellar. This music has a particular and very sacred memory for me, forever linked in my mind with a deeply happy moment.  As I watch Hans at the piano, I say a quiet gratitude to him for creating such exquisite musical beauty, even as I am recovering from his earlier volume assaults .

I love the piano solo, the build up,  the slow guitar , the rumbling drums . As with his pattern , this too builds up to the Giant Wall of Sound. I wish those blue flashing lights would stop their distraction as I tumble in to the soundscape. Like Interstellar’s storyline, I am floating beyond, in an alternative space. I pull out towards the end and study Hans conducting the whole enormous enterprise from the front of the stage. The first time he has done this. Nothing glib or rehearsed. He is totally absorbed in his music.  And at the end, he thanks them all: “ The most astonishing musicians and the best friends I have” .

A huge standing ovation. The crowd stamping for more. And I don’t think it was only I who was asking myself “What did I just witness here?” . It was not so much a concert as a Happening – a full immersion in the driving musical passion and joy- and at times overload –  of one man.

The encore could not have ended the night more perfectly. Inception. Zimmer striking those opening notes with a tenderness and beauty and musical sensibility that was exquisite.

He is a transporting musician to watch in action. His love for music infuses his audience. When the last notes of Inception float away, he raises both hands in symbolic High Five to the audience, and most respond in kind.

The audience came and saw. They were conquered – some by the beauty of the music, some by Zimmer’s charm some by the enormity of the musical talent on stage.  None of the main musicians of his band even used musical scores, so immersed were they, like Zimmer, in what they created for us with all their passion and commitment. I passed a few Aucklanders on my way out who looked dazed by the sensory overload. The volume button needs to be turned down, no doubt in my mind.   But no one in that Auckland audience could refute that Hans Zimmer and  his band  had given us all of themselves, musically.

Zimmer’s warmth and humour were somehow captured in the taped Monty Python song that played as we left : “ Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life” . A nod, I suspect , to the Zimmer philosophy .

Liz Gunn

  Click on any image to view a photo gallery by David Watson:

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  Setlist

Driving Miss Daisy. Sherlock Holmes. Madagascar.

 Crimson Tide. Angels and Demons.

 Gladiator.

 The Da Vinci Code.

 The Lion King.

 The Pirates of the Caribbean.

Interval

 True Romance.

 Rain Man. Thelma and Louise.

 Man of Steel.

10.The Thin Red Line.

The Amazing Spider-Man.

The Dark Knight.

Interstellar.

Encore

16.  Inception.

  Hans Zimmer – Spark Arena April 29 2017. Hans Zimmer is not what I expected.  I thought he’d be a controlled man, perhaps dour, even distant producer/ businessman/ and money-making-possibly-soulless-gouged-by-years-at-the-top-in-Hollywood machine!

[gladysnmccary]

[INTERVIEW] Jack Black Gets Candid About Music, Movies, and Games

Jack Black and Kyle Gass of Tenacious D are ready to blow the roof off The Bomb Factory in Deep Ellum.

Tenacious D released their last album Tenacious D in Post-Apocalypto last year and will be bringing it live to DFW. The duo is scheduled to perform on October 19th. Doors will open at 7PM and the music will be unleashed an hour later. Cinema fans may recognize the band from the cult movie classic Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny, which followed their legendary journey to rock and roll immortality. Click here to get tickets or find out more information about the concert and venue.

Of course, Jack Black is no stranger to the big screen or music. He headed up the award-winning movie School of Rock and has starred in numerous other blockbuster hits such as Shallow Hal, King Kong, Nacho Libre, and the Jumanji reboots. Since he is heading to Dallas next month, we thought it might be a good idea to catch up and see what we can expect from his debut at The Bomb Factory. Jack was kind enough to agree and what followed was one of our funniest and most open interviews to date. Take a look at what he had to say and also be sure to hear Tenacious D bring the “spicy mustard” to Deep Ellum later next month!

You've received numerous awards for acting in blockbuster movies and you have a successful music career. What would you consider your highest achievement thus far?

Probably School of Rock. That was like my tombstone. That's my biggest gig and my big breakthrough. I've gotten a lot of satisfaction from Tenacious D. Every album is like a baby because that one's all mine. You know? The writing, directing, and starring in each one of those projects.

Are there any projects you've done that you regret?

No. [laughs] No, none that I would ever admit to.

You’ve actually got a new movie, Jumanji: The Next Level, coming out later this year.

That one I definitely don’t regret; that’s for sure.

You’re known for being a gamer. What games are you currently into?

I’ve been playing this golf game on my phone. My phone has ruined my gaming career because I was all about the Xbox until my iPhone took over my life. Now there's a game called W… Is it called WTF? It can’t be called WTF. Hold on let me look… It’s called WGT Golf.

Close enough.

Yeah, it's a great golf game for your phone. It's a great app, but they found a way to suck all the money out of my wallet and it's a pet peeve of mine, all these f*cking phone games. They can be fun, but I'm from a generation where you bought a game and you were done buying sh*t. Do you know what I mean? You could play the whole game for your 50 bucks or whatever it is. Fifty bucks seemed like a lot of money for a game back in the day.

Now, with these little crappy phone apps with the in-app purchases, you can spend hundreds of dollars on stupid ass games. The graphics are not better than my rad Xbox games. They figured out a way to rig the system and I hate them for it. But, in the meantime, I continued to just give them my money because I'm a sucker.

You are spot on with that. I can't think of a truer statement I've heard today.

I keep on meaning to play Red Dead Redemption. I’ve started playing it but I’ve just scratched the surface. I just can't carve out the time in my life, you know. I’ve got kids and I’ve got jobs. I am looking forward to retirement when I'm in the old folk’s home and really catch up on all those video games that I've let fall by the wayside. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

Let’s just hope the arthritis holds off so you can do that.

I guess that would f*ck with my gaming. But you know, those Rockstar Games like Red Dead and the Grand Theft Auto don’t require all that much finger strength or speed. It's more like watching a movie. It’s like Bandersnatch where it's a hybrid between a movie and a video game. Did you check out Bandersnatch?

I heard it was awesome. So yeah, I had to check it out.

Hell yeah! That's the future. It's half game and half movie. It won an Emmy for Best TV Movie and I thought that they deserved it, just for the innovation of the choosing your own adventure style. It’s so rad and exciting. Those Black Mirror folks know what they're doing. They’ve got some good episodes too.

Speaking of Hollywood, you apparently made some comments a few years back that offended some folks involved in making superhero movies. Let's go ahead and bridge that void. You were considered for playing Green Lantern before that movie came out. What superhero could you see yourself playing?

Yep. Then they gave it to the pretty boy and you see how that turned out. Great job Hollywood. You sure f*cked that one up. Mine was going to make a billion dollars but, you know, hindsight is 20/20. And I don't begrudge him; I like that guy's new superhero movie as long as he keeps the mask on. Just don't take that mask off because that's when everything gets f*cked. What's his name again? I can't remember his name.

Ryan Reynolds?

Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Ryan Reynolds. I do enjoy the twists and turns that his career has taken because it took him a while to get it going, but now he's on fuego. More power to him. What was the question again? What would I want to do?

What superhero movie would you do or what superhero would you be?

You know, I'd have to be some fat pain in the @ss. Maybe Penguin would be a good role for me or maybe Thing. If you put me in the right muscle suit made of rocks I could be the Thing from Fantastic Four.

I don’t know, man. I’ve seen you do Chris Hemsworth’s workout and you nailed it. Don’t sell yourself short.

Oh yeah! No, I I've got some upper body strength. It's just covered in fat. I'm trying to think if there's any other good fat superheroes, but nothing's coming to mind. Maybe I could be, like, Buddha. That’s not a superhero, he's a religious figure. He's the king of the of the Buddhists. His power could be that he can float around and talk to animals. He's pretty rad. He's real mellow and super Zen.

You may have to work that into your next album.

I'd like to play Buddha. You think they could work him into the MCU?

I don't see why not. It seems, at this point, that they let anybody in.

But I definitely would get in trouble for taking an Asian-American role; that could actually be the end of my career. So, there's that… Do you remember how much trouble Tilda Swinton got in? She got into big trouble for playing that role in Dr. Strange. So, you don't really want to f*ck with that. In fact, next question please.

Fair enough. So, Tenacious D used to be a popular basketball term. Why did you think it was a good idea to apply it as your band’s name?

Well at the time we thought it was hilarious, but in retrospect it was pretty dumb. It's not a very good name for a band, and it's not even really funny anymore. I don't know. Tenacious D. We thought it was just pure gold. It's funny how things somethings age well like a fine wine, but that name for a band is kind of like aged mayonnaise. You don't want to be called Tenacious D. But you know what? It served us well.

It's just among a list of lots of great bands with crappy names. The Beatles? That's a dumb name. I guess because it's a bug and also the word “beat” is in there. So, it's like they keep the beat. Just another dumb name for a band. Another dumb name? U2. It’s just the letter U and the number two. That's some high school sh*t. My point is that it doesn't really matter. The only thing that matters is the content. Do you bring the spicy mustard sauce? If you do you'll be all right.

I read that years ago you would trade Kyle Gass food from Jack In The Box for music lessons. Who got the better end of that deal?

Oh man, that's a tough one. Those music lessons were crucial, but have you ever had Jack In The Box’s seasoned curly fries? Those are some of the best french fried potatoes in the world. I started leaking in my mouth just now. I'm going to call it a tie.

Will we ever actually get to hear the greatest song in the world?

There is a school of thought that it is the song in the Pick of Destiny, Beelzebub. But, you know, it's always a matter of opinion. That's the joke of the greatest song in the world. It's not really a definable thing. It's not really a measurable quantity. Scientifically, it doesn't make any sense to say something is the best song in the world. That’s the joke. It's in the ear of the beholder. One man’s eargasm is another man’s sh*tty music.

For those who've never been to a Tenacious D concert (or even those that have been), what can they expect from your upcoming concert in Dallas?

Well, for those audience members that are old enough to have seen Pink Floyd’s The Wall, that's what it's being compared to. It's a rock opera. It's epic. It's powerful. It's hilarious. It's rated R. Some say it’s rated X but I'm just going to say it’s a really hard R.

Are you keeping your clothes on?

I keep my pants on, but it's all animated. There's, like, a lot of drawings that will be projected on the screens around us. There’s full penetration, but it's like a really bad cartoon drawing trying to do it. It doesn't seem like it should get the same rating as a pornographic film. You get away with a lot more. Have you ever see the movie Sausage Party? You know you never would have been able to do any of that sh*t if it wasn’t a cartoon.

I was thinking that you were going to say Team America.

Aw, the best! You know, there's an unrated version that has an even funnier though sex montage. They went with, like, a full Cleveland Steamer, but only in the not rated version. You won’t get that on TV. You're not going to get that on iTunes or iMovie, but I highly recommend it. That is one of the greats.

I wouldn't call a rock opera, but man can they write some funny songs. Ah, Team America World Police… It all came down to that one weird homeless person, sort of, moral of the story. Know what I mean?

Yes, I do.

Genius and true. You can't really argue with it. They also did it with Book of Mormon. Did you see that show?

That is one that I have not seen.

They crack the code on Broadway, dude. It is the spiciest mustard, every bit as spicy as Team America. Somehow, they made it so we're laughing our @ss off, but then you look over there and there's an 80-year-old grandma laughing her balls off. How do they do it? It's like some kind of magic trick. It's wizardry.

They definitely have found a way to make some hits. Are you ready for few rapid-fire questions?

Yeah.

Favorite singer?

I'm going to go with that Aerosmith guy.

Favorite song?

I'm going to go with that AC/DC song, Shake A Leg.

Instrument you wish that you could play?

Accordion.

Song you hate to admit that you like?

What’s that song again by Chicago? I’m going to have to look it up. F*cking Chicago, dude. They are my guilty pleasure. I want to nail it. [He proceeds to cuss out his iTunes for not allowing him to log in so he could search] If You Leave Me Now, that’s it.

What would a song title be for the story of your life?

Wow… Sh*t, it would be really embarrassing to say because I've had a very charmed life, so it’d be something like Juke Box Hero.

Now I’m going to give you a subject and I want you to tell me the first word that comes to mind.

Okay.

Kyle Gass

Brother.

Nickelback.

What's that one jam? It’s their biggest hit. [Proceeds to belt out a few lines from the chorus of How You Remind Me] Only one word?

I’ll let you slide and use a couple if needed.

This is unfair, but I'm going to go with cheesy. If I only get one word it’s cheesy.

Fair enough. Next topic, pirate metal.

What's that? Pirate metal? One word? Um, arrrggghhh!

I didn't know what that was until about a year and a half ago. Apparently, it's heavy metal music with pirate lyrics. That may be right up your alley.

That's a new genre to me.

Taylor Swift

Trouble.

Do I want to know why?

You be careful if you date Taylor Swift. She's going to write it song about it. She will cause you a whole world of hurt.

The next and last topic, Texas.

I'm going with barbecue.

Good answer.

I want you to spell out barbecue, not just BBQ.

Are you sure you don’t want me to put the word “Bar” and the letters BQ?

No. Come on...

Alright, I'll have to edit it. No acronym. That's all the questions I had for you. I appreciate it.

Absolutely man. Thank you. I’ll see you at the show.

The post [INTERVIEW] Jack Black Gets Candid About Music, Movies, and Games appeared first on I Live In Dallas.

Related posts:

Tenacious D Prepares To Rock Deep Ellum This October

Jack Black Hosts: Dallas Mavericks Dancers & Free Facials for Men at the Galleria this Saturday

Texas Scottish Festival & Highland Games 2013 to Celebrate Traditional Music, Food, and Fun

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[kelleyschorn]

Kelley Reviews: Avengers Infinity War

Hello and welcome to my first official review! I will be doing both book and movie reviews on this blog as well as maybe an occasional website or album review. The style in which I will be reviewing is basically what I think worked, what didn’t work, and how I think they could have done better and/or theories about the sequel if said work is part of a series. With that being said, there will be SPOILERS in this review!!! If you haven’t seen the movie, see it, then come back. So without further ado, here is what I thought of Avengers: Infinity War.

Getting right into it, this movie was highly anticipated by the world and by me. My friends and I drove an hour away to see it on opening night because it was sold out in College Station and had been sold out for weeks (before it was even released!). So I will say that I am a bit biased because I love Marvel movies and have seen and loved every single one of them (with obvious exceptions like the 2008 Incredible Hulk, but, seeing as they don’t even use the same actor we can all take a blind eye to that mess). All this being said, let’s get in to the fun part of this review—what I liked about it.

WHAT WORKED

Character. Character, character, character. This has always been one of Marvel’s strengths and they did not disappoint. Building on every little detail from they’re previous works; they had an amazing cast of heroes lined up for this movie. I’ve got to admit that going in, my expectations were that this movie would be a complete mess due to how many characters they would have to juggle, but I was pleasantly surprised by how masterfully they handled their humungous cast. I liked that they did groupings, similar to how Stranger Things S2 strengthened its characters with groupings, and similar to what Marvel did in Civil War. They paired up characters we haven’t seen together before to give us a new view of them then we’ve seen previously. For instance, we finally get to see Dr. Strange interact with some of the main crew aside from his cameo in Ragnarok. Pairing his narcissistic personality with the equally hotheaded Tony Stark and then throwing Peter Parker into the mix to give Tony something to care about was a great move. Also I feel like Tony Stark as a character is the strongest person. So much has happened to him from the first iron man, so much pain and loss that I feel a bit stressed out every time something new is added onto that. Admittedly, the Thor and Rocket pairing could have been a bit better but it was still entertaining nonetheless.

I’ll also take a brief moment to recognize and appreciate Thanos. Marvel has been criticized in the past for having weak villains but the writers put extra care into giving us Thanos’ back story and motivation as to why he is the way he is. Again the genius of Marvel, because we already know all of the heroes and they need no big long-winded introduction, we get to spend that time on Thanos, which I think was the right move. Speaking of the right move, fun fact: the reason Thanos wanted to destroy half the universe in the comics was so that he could impress and get with a sexy skeletal persona of death. The storyline they made up for him in the movie was much less random and more believable so good job on that Marvel!

I also loved the way that they set everything up as being two years after Civil War and all that has happened to the team since then. The tension with Tony not wanting to call Steve and then seeing how the rest of the Avengers have all still been working together across the world despite everything that happened. I want to set aside a brief moment to appreciate the relationship we see between Wanda and Vision. I shipped them so hard in Civil War and I freaked out when I saw their scene together at the start of the movie. Good job Marvel, I appreciated that.

Another thing that really worked for me were their transitions and the plot. I know that plot is a pretty vague and all-encompassing term to use but I’ll explain. A quick word on the transitions, they were simple, words on the screen about which location we were entering. Short and sweet and it got the point across without interrupting the story—I’d say that’s a success. Now we’ll talk about the plot. When I say that the plot worked what I mean is that Marvel’s writers successfully balanced a huge cast of well-established characters, the introduction of a villain we’ve only seen glimpses of, and multiple new locations all without confusing the viewer and, in my opinion, every element was pulled off well. I’ll make this comparison. The Last Jedi, which came out last December, also had a large cast of characters and a lot was attempted with the plot: (Soft Spoilers ahead, skip this bit if you haven’t seen TLJ!) the Finn and Rose side adventure and love connection, the Kylo and Rey force connection, the Rey and Luke relationship, the growth arc for Poe, the final battle at the end. A lot happened and it felt rushed confusing and jumbled in a lot of the movie. In contrast, with just as many plot elements and more characters, Marvel managed to create a seamless story with great transitions.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK

Thor’s eye. If you saw Ragnarok (which I hope you did if you saw Infinity War), you obviously saw Thor’s eye get dramatically slashed out by Cate Blanchett aka Hela in the epic brother sister showdown at the end of the movie. At the start of Infinity War, we see Thor rocking his Odin-like eyepatch only to be quickly replaced with a new glass eye given to him by rocket. Why. Why would Marvel even go through the trouble of taking out his eye in the first place? I thought the new haircut and eye patch were a good look for him personally and the glass eye felt like a huge and useless copout. Speaking of Ragnarok, where was Tessa Thompson the Valkyrie? And Corg for that matter? They fly off with the rest of Asgard at the end and aren’t seen or heard from in Infinity war. Are we to assume that they died with the rest of the Asgardians in Thanos’ attack? After some digging, I found that Joe Russo, one of Infinity War’s co-directors, said that Valkyrie escaped with the other Asgardians on escape pods during the attack. It is likely that in the next Avengers movie, we will find out more about this.

Bruce Banner. Something weird was obviously up with the Hulk in this movie and to me that spells foreshadowing for the next movie. That I didn’t so much have a problem with, the thing that bothered me about Banner in this movie were some of his lines. Specifically the scene with him and Shuri. I get that she is supposed to look like this super genius with her advanced Wakandan knowledge but even in Black Panther it was hard to buy. Putting her up against Banner, who has been proven to be hella smart in previous movies and trying to make him seem dumb just fell flat came off as cringe-worthy and unbelievable.

Finally, the deaths. Suffice it to say—I’m not worried. It’s public knowledge that both Spiderman, the Black Panther, and the Guardians of the Galaxy have more movies lined up for the future. It is also known that Chris Evan’s has said that he is officially stepping down as Captain America after the next Avengers. So as far as who died, it might have been more effective to kill off some of the heroes who have been around a while. Make us sweat a little. For those reasons, the deaths were less effective for me emotionally because I didn’t believe them. Although I will say that when Peter Parker died, that shit was sad!

WHAT’S NEXT?

We already know that we are in for a Captain Marvel Introduction based on the end scene and I also predict that the Hulk is going to have an important role in the next movie given that he refused to come out of Banner in this one and we still don’t know why. Shuri, who we don’t really see what happened to her after she’s thrown from her lab, might become an interim Black Panther in her brother’s stead—this apparently happens pretty often in the comics. Black Widow also survived and I’m hoping that the writers will touch on her and Banner’s previous romance in the next movie. Honestly I think it will come down to Dr. Strange. Yes he disintegrated but remember he did say that there was only one way that everything would turn out alright—this has got to be the way. Maybe at the end of the next movie we will come back to when Strange was sitting on the rock with the time stone and this whole thing was his vision of how Thanos won but was ultimately defeated and then he opens his eyes and is like “alright, let’s do this.” Sort of like a Twilight Breaking Dawn part two kind of ending.

 Overall, I loved this movie. Marvel’s writers never cease to surprise and amaze me. It was epic throughout the entire movie and I cannot wait to see the next one. Thanks for checking out my blog. I’d love to hear your take on the movie and what you think will happen in the next Avengers! Leave a comment, email me, or hit me up on twitter to join the conversation and let me know what you thought of Avengers Infinity War!

[junker-town]

LeBron James is better than ever

Fourteen years in and he’s never been this good, even if he’s no longer winning MVP trophies.

BOSTON — It was after Game 1 and Brad Stevens was asked to consider the impossible quandary that is LeBron James. It had been a ruthlessly efficient night for LeBron, who had 38 points, nine rebounds, seven assists, and there wasn’t a damn thing the Celtics could do about any of it.

He ran through almost the whole Celtic roster of would-be defenders from Jae Crowder to Jaylen Brown to poor Kelly Olynyk who got left on an island (twice!) and wound up shipwrecked.

“He made it clear,” Stevens said simply. “It was very clear that he was trying to get to the rim on us no matter who was on him.”

Photo by Tim Bradbury/Getty Images

This is the issue the Celtics, and everyone else, has against LeBron. They don’t want to double him because he’ll pick them apart with passes to his cadre of shooters. They don’t want to get caught in a scramble game because that leaves openings for offensive rebounders crashing the glass. So, the one-on-one approach it was, and the only saving grace for the Celtics was that James missed five of his six 3-point attempts.

“This is a perfect roster with regard to how many predicaments they can put you in with all the shooting around him,” Stevens had said before the game.

LeBron brushed off his night (“It’s not an individual match-up for me, no matter who’s in front of me”) while suggesting that the Cavs didn’t play up to their standards. Before Thursday’s off-day practice, James doubled down saying he didn’t feel all that well and that he’d be “much better” in Game 2.

Welp.

James had 30 points on Friday and shot 12-of-18 from the floor while making four of his six 3-pointers. He had seven assists, three blocks, four steals and was a plus-46 (!) in less than 33 minutes of action. One can argue that LeBron’s Game 2 was better than his Game 1, but that’s not really the point. Better than what: Our standards or his?

That leads back to another Game 1 comment from Stevens that warrants further inspection.

Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports

“It’s hard to believe, but he’s better than when I got into the league,” Stevens said. “A lot better. Just as you get older, you gain more experiences, you see more things. Yeah, I didn’t think he could get any better after that, but he is.”

That’s a heavy statement considering that LeBron was thought to be at his peak when Stevens came into the league. James was coming off a run of four MVP awards in five years and two straight championships punctuated by a pair of Finals MVPs. His 2013 season was viewed by many as the absolute apex of his career.

One might think he’d never reach those heights again and so over the last four seasons, James has settled into a new space that exists solely for him. He is the best player in the league with, or without, the official hardware. While just about everyone acknowledges LeBron’s designation, others have been rewarded for their excellent individual seasons.

Kevin Durant and Steph Curry have won MVPs and it’s likely that either Russell Westbrook or James Harden will win it this season. It’s also been suggested that Kawhi Leonard is now the best two-way player in the league, although the postseason has opened that one up again. (That’s through no fault of Leonard’s play, which has been fantastic when healthy.)

The MVP is a regular season award, after all, and it wasn’t a huge surprise that those three were named finalists for the award before Game 2, while James was not. Therein lies a riddle: Is the Most Valuable Player the one who is most valuable to their team or the one who is most valuable to the league?

Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports

“No, I didn’t see it,” James said afterward, downplaying the motivation angle. “And what are you going to do about it at the end of the day? My only job is to try to be the MVP for this team every night, put my teammates, put our franchise in position to be successful and ultimately compete for a championship. For me, I know what I bring to the table. This league knows what I bring to the table.”

That they do and we should start with the notion that James is not the same player he was four years ago. While always cerebral and intelligent, he seems to have elevated his mental approach to a plane of transcendental peace. As he said earlier in the postseason, what does he have left to prove?

LeBron can still destroy everything in his path, but he takes delight in not only winning, but winning his way; where everyone is involved and the team rides his wave alongside him. Consider his mesmerizing passing ability and his desire to find open looks for and opportunities for not only Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving, but also Kyle Korver, J.R. Smith, and Tristan Thompson.

Individually, LeBron has become a machine. His ability to pace himself through heavy playoff minutes is becoming legendary. His shooting has stabilized after a notably down season last year, and as 538’s Chris Herring pointed out, James is an efficiency monster when he drives to the basket. He doesn’t have to guard the best player every night anymore, but his defensive presence is everywhere.

His teammates also rave about his leadership abilities. His example is the one they follow, whether it’s a late-night film session after the plane arrives in a visiting town or an off-day practice to stay sharp amid long periods of inactivity.

Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images

“What he does is he just breeds confidence in everybody,” Korver said. “You know he’s going to make the right play. You know he can always take over a game on both ends of the floor. It’s nice to be figuring out how to play off him instead of worrying about how to gameplan for him. It’s a whole different thought process.”

Korver knows from experience, having been on the losing end of countless postseason battles with James from his days with Chicago and Atlanta. So, how would he gameplan for LeBron? Korver laughed. “It’s tough,” was all he’d say.

The LeBron that we’re seeing in the postseason has been spectacular and efficient, while maintaining an edge that lets everyone in the building know that he’s not going to lay down for an acceptable loss. He led a 26-point rally on the road against the Pacers and demoralized the Raptors in Toronto during the second round. The first two games in Boston have produced staggering blowouts.

The Cavs may have been listless down the stretch, but it’s obvious now that they were biding their time for the postseason. So much for the importance of home court advantage, or for that matter, the importance of the regular season. LeBron is beyond such mundane matters.

What we’re seeing is a new chapter in our continuing effort to understand this generational player in real time. He’s different, for sure, but is he better than 2013, a season that will be held up in years to come as one of LeBron’s defining campaigns?

Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

“Yeah, he’s better,” his longtime teammate James Jones said. “In every way. He’s a better shooter. He’s a better communicator. Better passer. He’s peaking. He’s in his prime and usually that’s the result of continual and gradual improvement.”

Jones would know. He’s been with LeBron since their Miami days, a run that has lasted seven years and included four MVPs, three championships, and countless reinterpretations of the most fascinating player in basketball. I pointed out the common perception that LeBron peaked four years ago. Jones nodded and continued.

“Statistically, but you can’t measure everything he does in statistics,” he said. “That’s kind of been the problem with LeBron since Day 1. It always comes back to numbers for him, but at this point because those numbers are a given, you expect him to put those numbers up. Now people are paying attention to how he’s doing it.”

Jones noted that you if you watch closely enough you can see LeBron’s genius at work during the course of games. How he probes and investigates, how he sees things before everyone else does, how he counters and adjusts. LeBron has his hand in everything and is all things at all times.

“When you look at it now,” Jones said, “it starts to look effortless.”

We are left, then, with the notion that LeBron has become sui generis, a player incapable of comparison or even competition within his era. He has been beaten, yes, but he has rarely been bowed.

Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports

He has outlasted his elders, maintained his level beyond his peers, and his closest rivals now span generations. In a historical context, he is chasing no less a figure than Michael Jordan, although that full accounting must wait for a later day. It all starts to get a little overwhelming.

“The best way to do it is to compare LeBron versus himself,” Jones said. “Every player is unique. Every player is different. Every player, especially the great ones like Mike, like Larry, they redefine their position. They redefine what you thought a prototypical 2-guard, small forward was.

“Bron is Bron,” Jones continued. “He’s changed the game as far what you’d expect from a wing, or a small forward. Now he’s in that territory where you really can’t define him by position. Right now when you look at him, all you can say he’s the best player in the world.”

In the aftermath of Game 2’s brutal onslaught, the same phrase was uttered by league executive and longtime league observers: No one has ever seen anything like it. Nobody has. There is LeBron and there is everyone else.

[pcwpolwrestling]

Les Miserables vs. Establishment Explodes/PCW Rewind: May 2014's Loose Cannons Unleashed 9

The ongoing battle between the establishment and the Les Miserables escalated over the weekend.

It all began Saturday night at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner when the Les Miserables, led by PCW owner Dawn McGill, charged into the Washington Hilton and attacked the Sports Entertainment Corporation, the American Patriots, the Progressive Alliance, and Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy and his Flock.

(REPLAY: WHCA DINNER- 4/29/17)PCW Owner Dawn McGill burst into the room along with Les Miserables William Daniels Bryan, PCW’s Heartland Champion Charlie Blackwell, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido along with independents Ken Worth- American Trucker, Average Joe, Brad Company, Tequila Shiela, Mitch Thomas- American Taxpayer, The Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson, Rah!, Jack Fraiser and his Oootlander Blaire Rendell, the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja, and twenty-five ordinary people making up the Les Miserables.

The predominately Washington DC press crowd gasped when McGill, once again peeling back the years when she was the lethal, Six Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt, walked right over to Mr. McMann and nailed him with a Singapore Cane.

The CSPN contingent (Splitter and Morris) dived underneath the table. Bryan went right after the new PCW champion Yamamoto Tanaka. Blackwell, McAvay and the Les Miserables beelined right towards Professor McCarthy and his Flock and all hell broke loose. McAvay flipped the table and the Les Miserables attacked. Blackwell dived and took down Professor McCarthy. The GWO tried to wade their way over but the sheer number of people prevented them from coming to McCarthy’s rescue.

Worth, Average Joe, Company, Thomas, and the Dork Dynasty charged the American Patriots’s table. The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja, Rah, Jack Fraiser and his Oootlander Blaire Rendell went after the Progressive Alliance.

McGill made her way to the podium and pushed Mason aside.

Dawn McGill: Hey Mr. McMann! On behalf of the Deplorables in this audience…on behalf of the Les Miserables…on behalf of our PCW fans and each and every wrestler that Professor McCarthy and his Flock has attempted to shout down and big corporations have tried to marginalize. PCW will continue on the same path that we’ve set out on. We will NOT cater to your CSPN cronies. We will NOT sell our soul to your corporate greed. We will start running larger venues and larger cities when it makes sense and becomes financially viable to do so.

McGill defiantly glares down at McMann.

Dawn McGill: You see, as the ‘Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave wisely observed back in 2014, while it appears that the federal government can spend trillions of dollars more than they take it, small businesses can’t.   And as Dawn McGill wisely observed in 2016 when putting PCW back together, don’t make the same mistakes you made in 2014.

Then Sunday night at Missouri Valley Wrestling’s MVWA 75 show, Mr. McMann struck back at McGill. Dawn’s younger sister Regina had just defended the MVW’s Heartland title against former PCW Women’s Champion Tessa Martin (former best friend of Dawn McGill who turned to the dark side and joined Mr. McMann’s Sports Entertainment Corporation)

(REPLAY: MVWA 75- Post match Regina McGill © vs. Tessa Martin)Tessa, clearly fuming, glared at referee Ron Martin and then at Dawn McGIll.

Dawn and Mr. McMann were shouting at each other from across the ring. Regina stood on the top turnbuckle and held up the Heartland title belt.

Finally, Regina climbs down and walks over to Tessa- who’s still not happy. Regina surprises everyone by extending her hand. Tessa amazes everyone by actually shaking Regina’s hand. Then Regina turns and blasts Dawn in the face with the Heartland title belt.

While the stunned crowd processes what just happened, Tess pulls a dazed Dawn up, kick to the mid-section, Pizza Cutter.

Mr. McMann claps his hands excitedly and eggs Regina on. Regina drags Dawn over to the corner and wraps her sister’s right leg (Dawn’s good leg as her other knee had reconstructive knee surgery two years ago) around the ringpost and locks it in a figure four leglock while hanging upside down off the ring apron.

Mr. McMann taunts Dawn and slaps her in the face a couple times. Then out of nowhere…

Christa Carmondy races down to the ring with a steel chair and slides stomach first into the ring. She takes the chair and drills Mr. McMann in the back.

Tessa charges her- Christa nails her with a steel chair facial.

Angels of Death: Angel Casey and Angel Scott rush in. Christa takes them both down with steel chair shots.

Then Christa slides out of the ring and surprises Regina with a steel chair shot. The hold is released and Regina tumbles to the floor…

McGill released a statement this morning.

“I fully stand by what I said Saturday night at the WHCA dinner. It’s become clear that there’s no difference between the American Patriots and the Progressive Alliance. It’s equally become clear that the SEC and CSPN want to cut out the ‘independent wrestlers from the PCW title scene- much like in college football where the Power Five conferences have all but made it impossible for any team in a Group of Five conference to have a chance at the national championship. I will guarantee you that I will not stand for what McMann and his corporation, the American Patriots, and the Progressive Alliance are cooking up because I know that it will not be good for the PCW rank and file and our PCW fans.”

McGill also announced that the final card for the May 14th PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 10 supershow will be revealed this Friday night at PCW’s Revere, Massachusetts house show.

And now, a rebroadcast of PCW’s Loose Cannons Unleashed 9 from May 4th, 2014.

PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 9 May 4th, 2014 Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, OH Host: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave

The reawakening of Political Championship Wrestling took place last night at PCW’s birthplace, Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon at the northeast corner of the intersection of Shoop Avenue and Airport Highway, in Wauseon, Ohio.

After a nearly 14 month hiatus since the final PCW Extreme Political TV aired in March of 2013, the voice of PCW since its birth in 2005, Johnny Suave, along with the…

“…the hottest piece of cardboard in political wrestling!” — Suave

…his long time, silent co-host, a life-size cardboard cut-out of country star Shania Twain stood in the middle of the ring for the first time since March of 2013.

Johnny Suave and ‘Shania Twain’

Suave welcomed the overflow Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon crowd and played an excerpt from the end of PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.

PCW OWNER BUBBA JACKSON ANNOUNCES THE NEW PCW CEOJackson thanks everyone for coming out.

Jackson- We’ve been through a lot over the past four years.  The deficit is way too high and PCW is not on the soundest economic ground right now.

David Axelrod says the conditions were bad when Obama started his term in 2009.

Jackson- No.  George W. Bush hasn’t been the PCW CEO for the past four years.   This was a tough call but I have come to a decision.  The PCW mid and lower card wrestlers are struggling hard right now.  Mitt Romney.  You ran a good campaign but in the end- what solutions to our problems did you propose differed than the ones Republicans have proposed in the past?  Cut taxes?  These times call for breaking out of the same old ideas.

Jackson motions to Democrats Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid and Republicans John Boehner and Mitch McConnell to step forward.

Jackson- You along with the current, and next, PCW CEO Barack Obama need to heed to what I’m about to say.  You guys made this mess.  You need to fix it.   It’s Obama.

Unfortunately, as Suave explained, things did not get fixed and PCW was in big trouble by the end of the year.  There was the first hiatus after the December 7th, 2012 edition of PCW on P-SPAN.

PCW went dark for three months and came back in March for two shows before the wheels finally came off in earnest.

Suave explained what happened last year.

“While it appears government can spend trillions of dollars more than they take in, businesses can’t.”- Suave

When PCW finally reached the end of the road and money, ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann (no…not THAT McMann….well, maybe yes…but no!…) purchased the contracts of 15 PCW wrestlers and brought them to his political wrestling promotion- Political Worldwide Wrestling Federation.  McMann promised the 15 wrestlers they would get a fair chance to prove themselves in the PWWF.  In the end, only two made any headway- Charlie Blackwell and William Daniels Bryan.

With Blackwell’s help, Bryan won the PWWF title from champion (and the last PCW Champion before it shut down) Triple R (D) two weeks before the promotion’s biggest show of the year- PWWF’s Government Shutdown in September 2013.

Bryan defended the title at Government Shutdown against Triple R and Republican PMC Banks in a three way dance.  The PWWF announcers went out of their way to ‘downplay’ Bryan’s win as a fluke before the match.

MATCH #1- (taped at PWWF’s Government Shutdown PPV) Champion William Daniels Bryan (I) vs. Triple R (D) vs. PMC Banks (R) Bryan was up against it as both Republican and Democratic supporters interfered in the match.  Every time Bryan built up a head of steam, Rush Limbaugh cheap shotted him in the corner.   Or when Triple R whipped him into the Blue corner, Ed Schultz snuck in a sucker punch.

“He doesn’t have a chance.  He’s an Independent.  He doesn’t have anyone else to back him up.” –PWWF Announcer Michael Boles

Even Boles color commentator, Gary ‘the Creepy Looking King’ Lollar agreed.

Gary ‘The Really Creepy Looking King’ Lollar

Right.   Really, really creepy.

Bryan was thrown out of the ring and the staff of MSNBC and Fox News swarmed all over him.  The champion is beaten down until the MSNBC and Fox News staffers came to a sudden realization that they were mere inches away from each other.

Then the real catfight began.

Charlie Blackwell eventually ran down to try to even the odds but in the end Triple R pinned Bryan and eliminated him from the three way dance.

“And what happened next would set into motion a series of events that would result in what is going to go down tonight.” — Suave

While the PWWF announcers mocked Bryan as he rolled out of the ring, he marched over to their desk and wiped off the expensive monitors and other equipment.  Then he threw Boles out of his chair, picked it up…  *CLANG* … Boles to the ground.  Lollar up… *CLANG* …Lollar to the floor.  Triple R reached over the top rope to grab Bryan… *CLANG* …he draped himself over the top rope.  *CLANG* Triple R slid down and landed face first on the canvas.

Bryan climbed through the ropes and confronted PMC Banks.  Banks tried to beg off… *CLANG* …Bryan wasn’t having any of it.  He ejected Triple R out of the ring and then rolled Banks out. Blackwell climbed in and handed Bryan a microphone.  But before he can say a word…

Mr. McMann: “What the hell is going on here!”  McMann, followed by his executive producer Devin Done and his cue-card carrying lackey, stormed into the ring with PWWF CEO Barack Obama (D-NV),  Harry Reid, (D-IL), Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Mitch McConnell (R-KY), and John Boehner (R-OH).  Mr. McMann: “You’ve gone completely off the script!”  McMann shook the thick script at Bryan.  Mr. McMann: “Everything is timed out to the second and everything said has to be corporately approved by either myself or Devin Done.  You’ve ruined the main event that millions of people paid good money to see-”

Bryan: “SHUT UP!”  He grabbed the script and heaved it out of the ring. Bryan: “Everything everyone promised me was a lie.”  Both Obama and McConnell tried to argue otherwise.  Bryan first responded to McConnell.  “When I came to PWWF, there were 15 of us.  Now, it’s just me and Charlie Blackwell.  We were promised decent pay.  It seems only the top wrestlers and the executives are making the most.”  Then he turned to Obama.  “The mid-carders are scraping to get by.  We were promised better health insurance.  Well, it’s not as good as it was and it sure as hell costs more.”

Bryan lifted up the PWWF title belt over his head.  Bryan: “Having behind us the masses of this nation, the laboring interests, and the toilers everywhere, we answer your demand for the return of this golden belt by saying to you: You shall not press down upon my brow this crown of thorns anymore; you shall not crucify me for this belt of gold.”  Bryan threw the belt down.  Bryan: “I’m going back home.”

And with that, former champions and PCW Originals ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ‘Not just unbearable…not just intolerable…he is’ Justin Sufferable walked to the ring.  Escondido and Sufferable promised the crowd that PCW was going back to their roots- back to the small towns and smaller venues and away from the larger arenas.

“We are NOT going to repeat the same mistakes as before!” – Escondido

William Daniels Bryan then walked out to a standing ovation and was presented with the PCW title belt.

Suave then explained how the rest of the night was going to go. Three title matches to establish the PCW TV champion, PCW Women’s champion, and the PCW Tag Team champions.  Then, a number one contender’s match for the PCW title.

Match #2- PCW Television Title MatchAmerican Farmer John Deere– full time farmer supplementing his income by wrestling part time in PCW.vs. ‘Type A’ Dick Thompson– Former high school wrestling coach and the matriarch of a family of high achievers. vs. Ken Worth- American Trucker– Former PCW TV champion and over the road truck driver.vs. Mike the Mechanic w/his office manager, Tequila Sheila– Another PCW returnee.

Deere was the first one to go leaving Thompson, the American Trucker, and Mike the Mechanic.  Thompson’s family interjected themselves into the match and swung the momentum in his favor.  Thompson’s son Richie grabbed Worth’s leg when the American Trucker whipped himself into the ropes and allowed his father lock in the crossface chicken-wing submission hold.

Now down to just Thompson and Mike the Mechanic, a disturbance erupted at ringside when Thompson’s trophy wife Mimi and daughter Carlee got into it with Tequila Sheila.  Mike went over to check on Sheila and Thompson nailed him with a steel folding chair to claim the PCW Television title.

WINNER/PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Dick Thompson @ 20:12

Thompson and family celebrated in the ring.  Thompson: “My family prides themselves on high-performance, a group of achievers and thus I will do everything in my power to become the greatest PCW Television title champion ever!”

Following the match, a series of limousines began to pull up to the front door of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.  ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann emerged from the lead vehicle followed by several PWWF political superstars.

Suave: “Hmmm.  I’m guessing it may have something to do with what went down Saturday night at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.

A replay of PCW workers flipping over Mr. McMann’s table and generally terrorizing the A-list celebs and political power brokers followed.

Suave: “Most definitely.”

Match #3 PCW Tag Team Title MatchThe Brad-Bros (Brad Company and Brad Romance)– PCW returnees.vs. The Goatbusters(Ray Scantz and Peter Jenkman with Igor)– fellow PCW returneesvs. The Kardouchians (Ken and Koley Kardouchian with brother Kourt, father Khris and his wife Bruce)– Former family reality show stars (Kramping Up with the Kardouchians), turned family reality show wrestling team.vs. Dork Dynasty (Leonard and Sheldon Robertson with friends Howard and Rog and valets Penny, Bernadette, and Amy)– a pair of highly scientific wrestlers dressed in camouflage who work full time as graduate students….and their pals.

The Goatbusters came out first…

*Spooky music begins followed by a funky beat*

(sung to ‘Ghostbusters’)If there’s something grazing In your neighborhood Who you gonna call (Goatbusters) If you see a herd And it don’t look good Who you gonna call (Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat I ain’t afraid of no Goat

If you’re seeing horns Running through your yard Who can you call (Goatbusters) If you have a goat Sleeping in your bed Oh, who you gonna call (Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat I ain’t afraid of no Goat

Who you gonna call (Goatbusters) If you’re all alone Pick up the phone And call (Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat I hear it likes the girls I ain’t afraid of no Goat Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Who you gonna call (Goatbusters) If you’ve had a dose Of a freaky Goat Maybe you’d better call (Goatbusters)

Let me tell you something Bustin’ makes me feel good

I ain’t afraid of no Goat I ain’t afraid of no Goat

But the flashy entrance music wasn’t enough to keep the Goatbusters in the match for very long.  After grabbing the microphone from the ring announcer and proclaiming…

“I am the greatest scientific wrestler in the world!”

…Sheldon executed a perfect Damascus head-leglock submission on Scantz for the first elimination of the match.

The Brad-Bros went next.  Leonard was working on an Indian Deathlock to submit Brad Company but Sheldon tagged himself in and went one better- an Inverted Indian Deathlock to eliminate the Brad-Bros.

The Kardouchians were also in trouble until Kourt and Khris interfered.  Howard slid under the rope with an authentic Captain America shield he’d purchased from a local comic book store and nailed Kourt and Khris.   While Sheldon protested the ‘non-scientific nature’ of the attack, Howard blasted Ken and Koley as well.  Rog and Leonard pulled Koley out of the ring and handed Howard a bag with a bowling ball inside.  Sheldon was not pleased.  Sheldon: “We are a scientific wrestling team…a SCIENTIFIC WRESTLING-”

Howard placed the shield over Ken’s groin, lifted the bag, and nailed the shield with it.  Disgusted, Sheldon called Leonard back into the ring and the team hit their finisher- the Big Bang death-Bomb or 3-B, and took the tag team belts.

WINNER/PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Dork Dynasty @ 25:25

The music of Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” suddenly began to play. The crowd exploded when a spotlight pointed out a plaid shirted man with a Singapore cane and a cup of mocha in the back.

Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S BACK! HE’S HERE!  HE’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…

The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore

The crowd sang along with the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore held up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugged it down. Then he spewed it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushed the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.

The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon continued on down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulled out another container of mocha, guzzled it down, spewed it into the crowd, and smashed the container on his forehead.  Gore then waded through the main floor crowd to the ring.  He climbed up on the apron, pulled out yet another cup of mocha, guzzled, spewed into the crowd, and smashed the container on his forehead.

Gore: “Hey.  I’m not getting a whole lot of work over at PWWF.  Just wanted to let you all know I’m still around…the world’s still going to hell…call me.”

Match #4 PCW Women’s Title MatchSierra Whalen- American Rogue– An Alaskan native trying to make it big in women’s wrestling vs. Miley Vyrus of Young Hollywood w/Justin Beaver and Taylor Switt v s. Jill Berg– CEO and former PCW Women’s Championvs. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin– another former PCW Women’s Champion

Berg came in with her usual ‘big’ entrance…

THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd roars.

Suave: “THAT’ SOUND!  IT COULD ONLY MEAN ONE PERSON!”

THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman – Ms. Berg.   It’s time.

The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman and her male assistant, Jerry.

Suave: “IT’S THE FORMER PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION- JILL BERG!”

The crowd chants “JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. The male assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder.  He flips it on.

“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.

THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

The match got underway and Whalen was eliminated in the first five minutes.  Berg also found herself in trouble as Vyrus and her Hollywood friends triple teamed both her and the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl.  Martin was launched out of the ring leaving Berg. It looked bad for the female CEO when the four bodyguards suddenly crashed the ring.  Suave: “What are they doing?”  They lifted Berg up to the corner turnbuckle and then she jumped off.  A golden parachute opened up and Berg landed softly before retreating back with her bodyguards and Jerry to the locker room.

Suave: “Well, that’s typical.  A CEO escaping with a golden parachute.”

While Martin recovered outside the ring, Vyrus began to twerk.  What is ‘twerking’ you may ask??

Twerk- a style of dancing where an individual, usually female, dances to popular music by provocatively thrusting her hips in a low, squatting stance.

While Vyrus twerked in the ring, the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl grabbed a Singapore cane and slid back into the ring.  *THWACK*  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  VYRUS WAS TWERKING AND MARTIN JUST NAILED HER IN THE REAR WITH THE SINGAPORE CANE!”  *THWACK*  Vyrus dropped to the mat holding her butt.  Justin Beaver and Taylor Switt both ran from ringside.  Martin covered Vyrus and got the easy pinfall.

WINNER/NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @ 18: 10

Suave climbed into the ring and announced that Donald Sterling was sitting ringside.  Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ began to play and someone sprinted down the aisle.

‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – I can’t wait another day Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – If only you could stay All night long

Sterling seems amused by the whole thing until WTF kicked him in the balls.  Lift.  Chokeslam.  Good night.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Match #5- #1 Contender’s Match for the PCW TitleRah!- The Sunshine God with his minions- Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, former children’s show host Happy Mango, and former Delaware Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell-motivational speaker by day.  Pseudo deity complete with eclectic entourage by night. vs. A-Roid– disgraced, arrogant former baseball star turned disgraceful and arrogant pro wrestler vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism– former PCW and PCW Television champion vs. World B. Peace with his valet Danica– baller and master of the Kobe Death Stare

Rah’s entrance took even longer than Al Gore’s.  And that says something.

Suddenly, the lights turned off and a small spotlight illuminated the ramp.  A man dressed in a suit and bow-tie walked in.  “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said in an announcer-type voice.

“I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation.  He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day.   He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season.  He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s.  And just for your reference, he is, for 28 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends.  But that’s not important…”

The crowd clapped.

“Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight.  I give to you…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!”

Ten bikini-clad, and tanned, females entered the room with two men carrying a golden sedan chair holding a man dressed in long flowing robes.  Rah’s minions Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, children’s show host Happy Mango, and former Delaware Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell followed him in.  The procession made its way down the ramp and into the ring.  Rah climbed out of his golden sedan chair and stood surrounded by his bikini girls, two golden sedan chair carrying guys, McDonnell, Nye, and Happy Mango.  He gave a signal and his entourage dropped to their knees and bowed to Rah.

The match began with A-Roid quickly tearing several pectoral muscles trying to climb into the ring and then skulking to the back.

Rah, Chism, and Peace took the battle into the crowd in classic PCW fashion.  They brawled all over the building for a solid fifteen minutes.  When the trio finally made their way back to the ring, a stream of PWWF wrestlers attacked them on the floor and a full-fledged melee ensued when the PCW wrestlers raced out to make the save.- even the newly crowned PCW champion William Daniels Bryan.

‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann climbed into the ring flanked by PWWF CEO Barack Obama (D-IL), Harry Reid (D-NV), Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and John Boehner (R-OH).  Obama began to speak but McMann cut him off.

McMann: “Everyone knows who really pulls the strings.  Corporations.  So, this is the return of PCW.  The little engine of the little train that ran out of steam last year and should have stayed in the scrap heap of unambitious failure.  And now you’re back to run rinky-dink, small towns.  Here’s a secret.  No one cares about small towns.  Why did they build expressways?  To bypass small towns and take everyone to where the action is- big cities.”

The crowd booed McMann.

McMann: “Go ahead.  Boo me.  You know I’m right.  Is there a mom and pop pharmacy in this town?  No.  Oh, I know why.  It’s because a large corporate chain bought out the mom and pop store and took it over.  Is there a mom and pop grocery store in this town.  A mom and pop department store?  No.  Shocking.  The mom and pop stores all went away in favor of corporations who consistently deliver a bigger and better experience for the consumer.  And why did PCW disappear last year?  It’s because they didn’t have enough money to compete with me- a wrestling corporation.”

More boos rang out throughout the building.

McMann: “Here’s another secret for you.  Life is full of haves…and life is full of have-nots.  The haves are successful, wealthy, powerful; the have-nots serve the haves.   The haves get to experience sporting events in the front row, they get to party in the luxury suites, music concerts, special events.  The have-nots?  They serve the haves and wish they could afford to go to a baseball game.  They wish they could go see a concert.  The haves get to spend holidays with their families.  The have-nots serve the haves on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter.”

McMann searched out and pointed to the PCW Champion William Daniels Bryan.

McMann: “Bryan, you’ve made your bed and you’re going to have to sleep in it.  I wouldn’t take you back after what you did.  But that’s okay.  Charlie?  Come on out!”

Slowly, Charlie Blackwell emerged from the back and walked towards the ring.

McMann: “That’s right.  Charlie Blackwell.  Leader of the American Heartland Coalition.  Working for ME!  You see, Charlie has a family.  Two young children.  A mortgage.  He has to work for me because he sure as hell can’t afford to work for YOU!”

And now, debris began to fill the ring.

McMann: “Charlie is probably the best technical wrestler I’ve ever-”  Sheldon Robertson (shouting): “NOT AS GOOD AS ME!”  McMann: “…seen.  So when he goes out night after night and loses every match because I tell him he has to lose, he makes my stars look very, very good.”  Sheldon: “THEY STILL AREN’T AS GOOD AS ME!” McMann: “er…makes my star look good.  Sheldon: “BUT THEY STILL AREN’T AS GOOD AS-”  McMann: OKAY!   I GET THE POINT!”

McMann motioned to the PWWF Champion (and the last PCW Champion before it shut down) Triple R (D).  McMann: “William Daniels Bryan.  Here is the PCW champion- Triple R.  He was the champion when this tin pot political wrestling federation shut down.  Come up here and take the ‘title’ from him.”

Bryan wasted no time and slid into the ring.  Suave: “IT’S ON!”  Bryan and Triple R rained punches on each other.  Suave: “AND McMANN IS MAKING CHARLIE BLACKWELL STAND IN TRIPLE R’S CORNER!”

Match #6 PCW Title Match: William Daniels Bryan (C) vs. Triple R

Triple R tried bailing early on but Bryan chased him down and unleashed holy hell on him for several minutes.  McMann ordered Blackwell into the ring but Rah! runs in and tackles Blackwell.  Bryan kept stomping the boots to Triple R and Blackwell again is ordered to intervene.  Again, he’s stopped by Rah! and the Sunshine God threatened to take Blackwell out.  Triple R reversed and went on offense.  He went to piledriver Bryan but Rah! came in to block.  Blackwell charged into the ring at him with a Singapore cane. Rah ducked and Blackwell nailed Triple R instead.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Triple R spun to the mat.  Bryan hooked the legs.  1…2…3.

WINNER: PCW Champion William Daniels Bryan @ 9:43

The PWWF wrestlers tried to invade the ring but the PCW forces drove them back.  Mr. McMann: “You may think you’ve won the battle.  But you don’t have enough resources to win the war.  I’ll be back!”